Well, hello my friends! Busy day running around. My kid was diagnosed with a concussion today but it’s 2 weeks out and she is fine. She whacked her head on the kitchen table bending down to pic something up. She truly is my child. We then did some more shopping and spent my money. Shocking, lol.

What really jumps out at me here and what I have been trying to express is what Mach said.

Why am I different than anyone else who is desiring a partner? It’s completely human nature. Humans are meant to be connected to other humans. What I am searching for is pretty much no different than any other human.

I can openly admit, that I was desperate for it many years ago. After I had my family destroyed before my c section scar even fully healed was devastating . I took some time to just focus on surviving and raising a baby pretty much on my own. And when some of that dust settled, I probably was desperate to try to get in some way shape or form what was taken from me. But I surely am desperate anymore. Frustrated is for sure the proper word. I feel frustration that this all is so elusive to me. Frustrated in the quality of men I am finding . And I wouldn’t doubt my frustration is coming through. But definitely not desperation.

I absolutely believe I am a complete person without a partner. I don’t need a partner to make me feel whole or worthy. Again, I want a connection. A soul connection . I don’t want a “happily ever after” I want what most humans want. A companion I connect with on an emotional
Level. Having that or not having that doesn't make me any less or more while complete. I am really no different than other human in this area.

Maybe people who come to these boards have spent their adulthood in a partnership. I haven’t. I know who I am without one more than most. I’ve wholly accomplished many of things people do with their partner by their side. I have had zero emotional support on raising my daughter. I don’t have a mom or a sister. I didn’t have a husband. I will put my self on a step stool for a second because I have emotionally done so much from childhood to now alone. Not many can say that.

I’ll never know what it’s like to raise a child with a partner. And most people know what’s that’s like, even if that partner wasn’t the bio parent. It’s not a norm.

And I’ve done it. And I’m whole .

And I’ve embraced being single many times. Majority of the time it’s fantastic. Then there are times it’s awful. Just like marriage, perhaps?

Oh, and as for the Texan. LH is right. And he wanted the happily ever after with me more than me . “Moving fast” however is all in words in and it in action. Never met my friends, he didn’t move in, never met my family. We moved along words fast, but not actions, actually all him, not much me .

And now, I am single again and fine . I’m not back online . And I take breaks, but I never said I would quit online dating all together.

Anyways, if you made it this far, I would love to hear what your thoughts on this is.

My daughter tells me that her father is leaving for a 6 day dolor vacation to island of at Maarten next Sunday. Im my head a secretly raged because he cries of poverty when he can do this along with another trip following and then another trip and after they got back from SF in April boils my blood. I am drowning financially, my daughter comes to me for everything and I don’t even know what a vacation is .

But then. I thought. Is he having an affair ? A 6 day solo vacay to a tropical island ? Something seems fishy. And I wouldn’t put it past him for a second