Wolfman moving forward 3

[BL42]

Wolfman,

One thing I have learned from here and listening to motivational speakers is, people are in charge of their own happiness.

Very true. Good lesson to learn.

She needs to learn to find happiness on her own.

I cringe at the "she needs to..." statements. You can't control her or direct her; work on yourself and your own happiness.

She will say things like, "I am your woman and you should make me feel like I am your woman." I would ask, "How do I make you feel like you are not my woman?"

Instead of asking a defensive question, what about validating and reflecting on how you can address her concerns. How would you make a woman feel you cherish her and want her?

She is competing with my son and I am not sure why.

This is going to be a big problem if it doesn't change. You'll always have a son, and he needs to be a priority. Not the only priority, but a priority. Like you said, a balance. Reflect on whether you think it is balanced or if you think it's unbalanced in an unfair way to her. If it's the latter then take action to address it. If it's the former, and she's simply jealous of you having other kids, that's not something you can change and will continue to be an issue unless she changes her mindset. You have other children. That's a simple fact. In order for the two of you to work out as a couple, she'll need to accept that.

Last night I decided to schedule a date night. i had a babysitter come over (her best friend) and watch the baby. I made reservations for a nice restaurant and then go out after for a little bit. She has always told me she like when the man takes charge. So, thats what I did.

Well done! Keep it up. Sounds like a great way to address her concerns from above.

she starts to talk about all the things I have done to hurt her, how she is emotionally scarred, basically everything is my fault. 2 things she brought up was, when she first got pregnant, I mentioned about getting an abortion. We were not in a good place and not prepared for the baby. Second, was when I called the cops on her.

First, despite the turn of conversation I'd recommend continuing the date nights and special ways to make her feel like she's your woman. I don't think one gesture or date night is going to turn things on a dime.

Second, did you try truly listen to her concerns and validation. The two items she brings up are (in fairness) pretty significant. Asking for an abortion and calling the police are major events. It's not being late 5 mins coming home from work. It may take her time to process those feelings. Are you listening and understanding and empathizing with her?

She needs to move on, because if she doesn't, this is going to destroy our relationship.

Again, "she needs to..." Maybe it's nothing, but the way you say that makes me wonder.

I have apologized for those things many times, but she wont let go. i can't undo them.

I think it's going to take a lot of time for her to process those feelings and a lot of patience on your part.

She said I have made her feel this way and she is just going to worry and focus on the baby. That really hurt!!! In my mind with that statement. I feel like now I am just a convenience.

I can understand why that would hurt. This almost sounds like a mini-BD. Are you DB'ing accordingly? Keep working on yourself and being a great dad, and learn how to attract her and make her feel like you want her to be your woman.

She has a home, all the bills are paid, she doesn't have to work and that does not sit with me well.

Seems like we see this time and time again on this forum. For better or worse, being a good dad and provider is not good enough in relationships/marriages these days.