Wolfman moving forward 3

[Wolfman]

Dawn there are times I am defensive. I am quick to go on the defense at times. Something I need to improve on. Thank you for your aShe dvice. I do talk to her about the finances. We talk a lot about it, the finances. I didn't think about how much money she is saving us with taking care of the baby.

Traveler, you are right, I need to work on those "I" statements. I just seem lost at times. I feel like I don't have a voice in this relationship. When i give my opinion, that does go with hers, thats when we get into an argument. I am tired. I am trying but losing love. I don't want to give up, but I am losing hope. She is not happy. One thing I have learned from here and listening to motivational speakers is, people are in charge of their own happiness. She needs to learn to find happiness on her own. She doesn't, She holds me accountable for her happiness. She is often bringing up things from the past, that is preventing her from being happy. She continues to rip the scab open. I don't know how to help her get over these things. I try to show her love everyday, with little things, it doesn't seem to be helping. She is stuck in her emotions and doesn't know how to get unstuck. One of her biggest problems is my son. She feels like I often put him ahead of her and the baby. I am trying to balance. She makes me feel like she is my child, like when the child feels like the siblings are being favored. She will say things like, "I am your woman and you should make me feel like I am your woman." I would ask, "How do I make you feel like you are not my woman?" She would then go on how I put my son before her. She is competing with my son and I am not sure why.

Last night I decided to schedule a date night. i had a babysitter come over (her best friend) and watch the baby. I made reservations for a nice restaurant and then go out after for a little bit. She has always told me she like when the man takes charge. So, thats what I did. I picked a place that was close and nice and the after place was close too. Dinner was nice, food was great had a nice time. Yet, in my gut I just felt a little distance. I could be wrong but thats just how I felt. After dinner we went to the second place for a drink. About 20 minutes in (I don't remember how we got to the conversation) she starts to talk about all the things I have done to hurt her, how she is emotionally scarred, basically everything is my fault. 2 things she brought up was, when she first got pregnant, I mentioned about getting an abortion. We were not in a good place and not prepared for the baby. Second, was when I called the cops on her. Those things are over a year and a half ago. She needs to move on, because if she doesn't, this is going to destroy our relationship. I have apologized for those things many times, but she wont let go. i can't undo them. Also, the baby I am actually crazy about, and that at the time I said that, I was stupid. I have more than showed her how much I love that little guy and how I want to be with him every second i get. That should undo that comment. But she won't let it go. She mentioned again, how my "other family" comes before her and the baby. Yet the night ended with, She is just going to focus on the baby and no one else. I asked, so you don't even care about me? She said I have made her feel this way and she is just going to worry and focus on the baby. That really hurt!!! In my mind with that statement. I feel like now I am just a convenience. She has a home, all the bills are paid, she doesn't have to work and that does not sit with me well. I am no one's convenience!!! If she doesn't show me soon I am not someone she will care about, this is going to end. Thank you for reading all of this!!!