No such luck

[Ginger1]

I am going to speak to this post first because it was easier to post on my phone

Ginger,
I was debating whether to post this or not because it can come across as harsh. I am posting it in the hope that you can take whatever makes sense and use it to improve yourself. Know that this is not a judgement on you and does not diminish my opinion of the great mother and person that you are.

I do think men are intimidated by me. By all I’ve been through and the fact that I’ve got most of poop together despite it.

I don't think men are intimidated by you. There may be some who are, but it has not generally been the case from what I have read on your thread earlier. If anything, I have seen them take advantage of your good nature.


I agree that there are a portion who have taken advantage of my good nature. Cannot disagree with that. I do think there are some who maybe aren’t “intimidated “ but maybe bothered by me having my [censored] together.

By all I’ve been through and the fact that I’ve got most of poop together despite it. And I think where I truly go wrong Is wanting these guys who have been through heck to have their sh!t together too. Bit as we know, they don’t. I know that I attract men that have been through hell and as I have said I feel I initially can connect with them more.

There are many guys who have their sh1t together. You attracting these men is not the issue. The problem is you being attracted to these me. And I am not the only one who thinks this way. Don gave you similar feedback earlier

Quite honestly, I believe there are many guys who have their it together. I haven’t met one yet. No, I lie, I haven’t met who is single, but I know some great men who are taken. I honestly have not even been given the chance to turn down one of these men who have their sh!t together. Probably doesn’t reflect well on me that I haven’t met one . And trust me, o haven’t

There is something about these very broken guys that you seem to be very attracted to and comfortable with. It’s way above my pay grade to annualize - I just know it’s the case. You’re not attracting these guys - you’re attracted to these guys. Seems to me you need to figure out why you’re not attracted to the good guys.

Mostly looking for Sex, or a Mother figure, somebody to be a "right now" fix for their long term dysfunction by hding in your emotional 'basement'....

If you took an honest look at your past, you could argue that some of them were not truly attracted to you. Some of the men Mach mentions above were probably dysfunctional. But I feel most of them were just playing you till they found something better.

Absolutely, I agree . I got played until they found something better. They all did including my ex, lol

I do finally realize my relationship status doesn’t define me. I just really want some healthy companionship of the opposite sex.

I have not seen your actions be consistent with your words. Your desperation to be in a relationship is obvious and I suspect it comes across to potential partners too. In my opinion you are looking for a 'happy ever after' and want it quickly, whether you realize it or not. Your desperation is why you moved too quickly with the Texan. If I recollect, there was another person (E?) you broke up with because you felt 'he listens to his kids too much. To me, someone prioritizing the opinion or wishes of their teenage kids over someone they have known for a few weeks is a sign of good character. It is possible he tried to sugar coat things to avoid offending you, but it's not hard to guess the real reason.

There are two things I feel you can do better and they will help you, in my opinion.

I don’t know how desperate I could possibly be after being single for the greater part of my 15 years. Earlier in my single years, I was more desperate . Now I’m not at all. I have said no to men who have wanted relationships with me . And no, they didn’t have their sh!t together. At all. But I could have been with them if I was desperate

And let me clarify about “E” I don’t know where you got he “listens to his kids too much” as what deterred me. He told me he does what his kids tell because he was SCARED of them. They are bigger than him and have anger issues according to him . He was scared of his older teenage sons. He couldn’t make an independent decision. I wouldn’t drop a guy because he listens to his kids. One that is scared of his own children ? Yes, I’m sorry, but that shows a very weak man to me . And he was. He still also told me his father has the final say on most things because held there purse strings . and still needed the input of his ex wife on his life.

But I know being single is not who I am.

First, drop this attitude. If you define yourself as a person that is not meant to be single, you put a lot of pressure on yourself and that pressure will translate to your relationships. Embrace being single. You have to love yourself first and feel complete without another person. Counter intuitive yes, but like DB that's when you will have the best chance of settling down with someone.

Second, be self-confident and have high standards but ask yourself whether you are putting yourself on a pedestal. People like to give advice that 'you are the prize' but that only works in specific scenarios like LRT. If you are the prize in a relationship, it is not a relationship of equals which is not good. What you bring to the relationship may not be what the other person values. Focus on whether the other person brings what you value in a relationship and whether you are providing what they value.

Well, this is ironic. I get told I’m self depreciating and don’t realize what I bring to the table, then when I acknowledge what I bring to the table I put myself on a pedestal? Dammed if you do, dammed if you don’t. I totally understand 2 people being different things to a relationship . And what one values can definitely value. I am open minded and I recognize that. Different people different values, one doesn’t make one person better than the other .

Interesting feed back, I appreciate the time you took to post. I agree on some points, not on others and will certainly marinate on it all