No such luck

[MLCxH]

Ginger,
I was debating whether to post this or not because it can come across as harsh. I am posting it in the hope that you can take whatever makes sense and use it to improve yourself. Know that this is not a judgement on you and does not diminish my opinion of the great mother and person that you are.

I do think men are intimidated by me. By all I’ve been through and the fact that I’ve got most of poop together despite it.

I don't think men are intimidated by you. There may be some who are, but it has not generally been the case from what I have read on your thread earlier. If anything, I have seen them take advantage of your good nature.

By all I’ve been through and the fact that I’ve got most of poop together despite it. And I think where I truly go wrong Is wanting these guys who have been through heck to have their sh!t together too. Bit as we know, they don’t. I know that I attract men that have been through hell and as I have said I feel I initially can connect with them more.

There are many guys who have their sh1t together. You attracting these men is not the issue. The problem is you being attracted to these me. And I am not the only one who thinks this way. Don gave you similar feedback earlier

There is something about these very broken guys that you seem to be very attracted to and comfortable with. It’s way above my pay grade to annualize - I just know it’s the case. You’re not attracting these guys - you’re attracted to these guys. Seems to me you need to figure out why you’re not attracted to the good guys.

Mostly looking for Sex, or a Mother figure, somebody to be a "right now" fix for their long term dysfunction by hding in your emotional 'basement'....

If you took an honest look at your past, you could argue that some of them were not truly attracted to you. Some of the men Mach mentions above were probably dysfunctional. But I feel most of them were just playing you till they found something better.

I do finally realize my relationship status doesn’t define me. I just really want some healthy companionship of the opposite sex.

I have not seen your actions be consistent with your words. Your desperation to be in a relationship is obvious and I suspect it comes across to potential partners too. In my opinion you are looking for a 'happy ever after' and want it quickly, whether you realize it or not. Your desperation is why you moved too quickly with the Texan. If I recollect, there was another person (E?) you broke up with because you felt 'he listens to his kids too much. To me, someone prioritizing the opinion or wishes of their teenage kids over someone they have known for a few weeks is a sign of good character. It is possible he tried to sugar coat things to avoid offending you, but it's not hard to guess the real reason.

There are two things I feel you can do better and they will help you, in my opinion.

But I know being single is not who I am.

First, drop this attitude. If you define yourself as a person that is not meant to be single, you put a lot of pressure on yourself and that pressure will translate to your relationships. Embrace being single. You have to love yourself first and feel complete without another person. Counter intuitive yes, but like DB that's when you will have the best chance of settling down with someone.

Second, be self-confident and have high standards but ask yourself whether you are putting yourself on a pedestal. People like to give advice that 'you are the prize' but that only works in specific scenarios like LRT. If you are the prize in a relationship, it is not a relationship of equals which is not good. What you bring to the relationship may not be what the other person values. Focus on whether the other person brings what you value in a relationship and whether you are providing what they value.