At 10pm I finally have a chance to reply on here. The full moon is a real Thing in healthcare.
As you know, the above made me shed some tears. Good tears.
I do think men are intimidated by me. By all I’ve been through and the fact that I’ve got most of poop together despite it. And I think where I truly go wrong Is wanting these guys who have been through heck to have their sh!t together too. Bit as we know, they don’t. I know that I attract men that have been through hell and as I have said I feel I initially can connect with them more. Bit as time goes on….. I am making it, and many of them still are floundering . And I imagine that might become too much. And for me, quite honestly, it just becomes frustrating for me.
I do finally realize my relationship status doesn’t define me. I just really want some healthy companionship of the opposite sex. It sounds like it should be simple, but it’s been harder and more impossible for me than I have ever imagined. But I know being single is not who I am.
I’ve had some very humbling feel good yet boost my ego moments at work this week. There is a patient care tech on my unit who is 24. He’s going to med school. He is an incredibly good looking guy, sweet, smart and everything I hope my daughter chooses in a man. I think he looks up to me as a big sister ( won’t say mom!) and he comes and decompresses and talks to me and seeks my advice all the time. He’s been on 7 dates with someone he met on hinge and actually seeks my advice ! ( ironic, right ?) he is an incredible human being the way he treats and respects women and people . He’s going to make a wonderful compassionate doctor one day.
Every unit in our hospital has a case manager and social worker that works together . We work closely with PT and OT and speech for discharge planning. The PT we have this month ( my personal Favorite) came to our office today and said “BTW, our department as a whole voted that you guys ( me and my social worker) are our favorite , hands down” that really made me feel so good today!
Finally. This past Saturday night I get a text from ex saying “D can’t have a conversation without getting nasty and It didn’t end well for her” I texted her and and said if she was mouthy with her father she should apologize. She said “no, you wouldnt believe what he did to a 14 year old kid” I asked if she wanted to talk about it and she said jo, she wanted to go to bed and she would tell me when I Picked her up the next morning.
I pick her up to take her to the mall, and she tells me her recount. Something happened on TV during the hockey game and my F gets a little hyped up and got mouthy when he had the opposite opinion of a ref call. She told her her father screamed at her at three a pillow at her. He went beserk, she began crying and hyperventilating and went to her room. The next morning she apologized for being out old line. She said “bit dad was out of line too and he didn’t apologize to me!” I did tell her she did the right thing and her father apaobitleu should have apologized because he was wrong too. The good news is, I see she is learning that it’s ok to be wrong, but you need to own it. And she kept her side of the street clean by owning her part .
I’m proud of her. We ended up having a nice long day together at the mall. Expensive for me, but she was a happy kid.
I’m making a difference somehow some way and that’s what’s most important. I just want to leave good imprint on this world. It’s personally important to me. And a relationship does not define that
