I see that, your patience and attempts to make this work. I'm rooting for you two!
Originally Posted by Wolf
She said I am making her upset and she doesnt want to talk about his anymore. I said if this conversation is upsetting you we can end this conversation.
Originally Posted by Wolf
As far as the "we" statements. i only asked because she was upset and I didn't want to continue to upset her, thats why I asked if she wanted to end the conversation. How would I use "I" there? I feel like that would be controlling, with the we, I am giving her a voice.
Wolf, I can clarify a bit more. I'll caveat I'm of course on the outside looking in!
I get what you're saying, but your girlfriend doesn't seem meek and doesn't need you to "give" her a voice because she already has one and expressed it: "I don't want to talk about this anymore." Some good "I" statement replies if you wanted to stop might be, "I don't, either." or "Fine, I'll drop this for now." "I" statements are rarely controlling because they control OURSELVES not OTHERS. As I said, it's subtle, but the shift to "I" statements really helped me transition from either being controlled or controlling my XGF (co-dependence), towards healthier interdependence.
Originally Posted by Wolf
I told her it was just too expensive and i would look at other weeks for us to go away. Evidently I didn't realize she was still trying to figure something out for that week.
Originally Posted by Wolf
The affirmative consent, I am a little confused there.
That one's simpler. Anytime an activity involves her, unless there's a clear and unambiguous signal she consents such as "Yes" or "I agree", don't assume she's agreed to anything. Consent isn't the absence of no, it's the presence of yes! This one's bitten you before. Going a step further, "You told her" <and then expected it was settled> implies inequality. BL42's suggestion to put any dates and times you agree to into a shared calendar on the fridge or in Google would reduce confusion.
Originally Posted by Wolf
Yet its just me who works and is paying for it.
Like Dawn, I'd note the above implies watching the baby while you're driving to, from, and are at your workplace is not "work". It's unfortunate our society can undervalue housework. What would a daycare or nanny charge? That percentage of your paycheck (AT LEAST--more if she does other chores) is her contribution towards expenses. Once upon a time I had a partner who did my laundry and I regret initially expecting more and valuing them less than laundry services.
Originally Posted by Wolf
I try and give her everything that I can, physically, mentally, emotionally and financially.
Like Dawn, ack, don't spoil her! I'd strive to more equally divide these between you, her, and your children. Granted, there will be seasons when one of them needs more, but those should be the exceptions.
