GAL is pretty good. Out with friends, exercise, time with kids. I force it even if I don't really have plans. Sometimes it's hard because of kids duties, but I'm fine with GAL. This weekend I got more time coming.
Had a good mediation session. I got good advice from my L on phrases to use, good advice from a mate on using time-outs, and because STBXW is transparent, I pre-empted the mediator with "some concerns": bad mouthing my parenting, not agreeing to 50/50, and possibly manipulating D11. It was amazing to see the mediator navigate the emotion and counter her excuses. You could see the anger on her face when we got her to consider one of my parenting proposals after the mediator solved all her objections. Her reality distortion field was on full display with twisting of facts, accusations on me, triangulation... And all my "concerns" did come out as expected. STBXW left after time was up, not even wanting to organise a follow-up session. I had a good chat aftwards, and said I learnt alot on her approach. I said I love the line "what would it take." I know that mediation is supposed to be impartial, but the one I got is an expert in Family Custody. She went so far as to point out that on of STBXW's proposals wasn't fair to the kids.
Interestingly, at one point in the session, STBXW said the environment in our house is toxic and that I need to move out. The mediator asked me:
Is it toxic? I said Nope.
What do you think of her proposal? Don't like it.
What can you offer? She initiated separation, she can move out. (2 second pause) Or lock in a solid parental plan, and I'll move out.
Couldn't help but feel a bit smug there. Of course, lots of excuses on why she can't afford to move out, but the mediator reminded her this isn't a financial discussion.
Anyway, it's nice to finally be in control and see things moving in a path that's right for me. I'm not expecting everything to go my way, she's going to be hard work for the next 20 years. But feeling as upbeat as ever.
