I’ve been still dealing with the last of the moving process and I’m almost there. Been sorting, discarding and arranging as well. Not much time to actually decorate, but I’ll get there. It’s been exhausting and I’m really over it, but also, it does feel good to know I will be settled in a place that is mine for a time. Living in transition has been so hard. I’m ready to have a place of my own for a while.
Emotionally, I’m doing okay. Maybe all the distraction is helping. I’ve not been as down, but I have been very lonely. I am just trying to push through as I will be starting that training course soon and I want to be able to be engaged with that. I have reservations about being able to focus…as I’ve been in a fog for so long. Hopefully this course is a trigger to help me snap out of it so to speak and get back into myself and my goals. My IC says I’m in ‘emotional exhaustion’ and that we will start to work on that in our next sessions. After the way things have been for me since before BD and after, I can see why that would be. It’s been too much for too long. I worry about the long term affects of this level of stress on my body. I feel like I’ve aged for sure.
I’m doing my best to sleep and get as much rest as I can manage, but I’ve had very little down time over the last two weeks. And my BFF has been out of town, so I’ve not been out having social interactions like I had been either. Hoping things will find a new rhythm in the next few weeks.
Saw my XHs XW today for the first time since XH left town. I never know how she will be as she is a bit crazy. S20 was also nervous about us having to interact…as he’s been a witness to her drama towards me many times in the past. But she was ‘normal’ as in she acted like a normal person and not a psychopath. Of course, it may have been because a friend of hers was there as well. She expressed some sympathy for what has happened and tried to talk a bit about her experience, but I didn’t say too much. I just tried to be positive, focus on S20 and express that I was happy for her in the things she mentioned had been happening in her life. Anyway, that was one stressor of the day the ended up better than I thought it would. Miracles do happen. Haha.
El
Me 52, H 56 T10 M7, 2nd MR for both 2 Step Sons (19 and 21) BD: Fall 2020 D finalized: July 2022 XH Married AP soon after D day.
