Originally Posted by Kind18
I think perhaps you should get some IC and really explore if you want to be with this person.

Sometimes, we feel like the marriage has worked in the past so surely it can work in the future. We want to keep our kids’ family together, and in that process of “validating”, we can fall into a trap of being unable to identify where the line in the sand is.

Yeah the line in the sand is very hard to identify. I am holding on to the thought you mentioned - that it has worked in the past - not knowing what that entails for the future even if she decides to stay. Currently she is hedging.

Originally Posted by Kind18
She’s being a b*tch because she wants you to leave her so it’s not her fault. It’s very simple, and common behaviour.

That will not happen due to these nasty behaviors alone. However, it may happen if this drags on for too long. For how long? I don't know. But I have been thinking that having another child will be great - 2 is what I always wanted, and it won't happen with her - she delayed the first one by years, which has been a negative undercurrent in our M. And then she wouldn't even discuss about having a 2nd one until my own unhappiness reached a point where I did not want to go through that with her. Then suddenly as recently as early Oct she told me we should think about a 2nd child. I did not say no but I did not commit either. And then in Dec she starts and A.


Originally Posted by Kind18
This is an important question, because if your account is true, she is an abuser and I think you should be just about there.

The account is milder than what actually happened. I did not write much about the content of her words. I once landed in emergency due to anxiety caused by her words.

Originally Posted by Kind18
2. Picture your best mate and his wife. Imagine he takes you out for beers and tells you his wife is doing this to him. What would you say?

Thanks for asking me these hard questions. I'm a bit scared of answering them. It's really family ideals and my ASD son's well-being that I am holding on to.

Originally Posted by Kind18
1. Avoid interaction with her as much as possible

She starts topics even if I am avoiding or not even in the same space (comes over).

Originally Posted by Kind18
2. Turn off social media

I am only on FB and I log in once every 3 or 4 days. I rarely post. Inevitably, her posts show up on top of my timeline. Today she posted about 10 pics, telling people to glimpse into her past few months - the pics were with her friends and son and none with me smile.

Originally Posted by Kind18
3. Turn your phone off if she’s text bombing you

I am able to just not read them and she knows I am not reading them (she messages on whatsapp). Turning off the phone will show a single tick on her app (meaning not delivered yet).

Originally Posted by Kind18
4. Zero sex under all circumstances

Trying to get there. She herself says she wants to stop and then she tries to seduce me in various ways.

Originally Posted by Kind18
I get that you can’t stamp out 100% of interactions with IHS and without blocking her phone etc. But there’s way too many opportunities for you two to interact. You need to absolutely minimise every possible chance.

We are in a pretty farcical IHS. Even if I try to minimize, she actively interacts. I have to pay more attention to this.