Over 2 years and still so much pain,,,

[DnJ]

Good Morning Adios

I do wonder though if he has advanced somewhat on his MLC path.

The candlelit dinner with H is interesting. It certainly is different than his usual over the last five years. For the moment, another peak out of the tunnel. And until demonstrated behaviour becomes consistent, treat it as such.

I do believe H is making progress. To what end? That depends upon many factors.

The first few years there was a fair bit of contact, then last two years it has dwindled to almost nothing or just a few contacts a month.

Your H is a clinger; staying in contact over the years. My XW was/is a vanisher; I’ve only had a few contacts over the entire timeline of 4 1/2 years. H’s appreciation dinner does not sound that far out of character. He and you having gone to the pub a couple of times. I’d infer he truly felt appreciative and even sincere in wanting to thank you for your help.

And there in lay his confusion. His feelings return. He quashes them again. He runs. He looks back. He temp checks. He looks away. And by the way, he knows the BD date as well. He knows it’s the fifth anniversary, and I suspect will be somewhat stirred by it.

What happens when these folks realize we are not the cause of their pain? What happens when the realize we are not the villain in their story/narrative? When they realize it’s a narrative? Some run again. Some look inward. Some run after that too. Some dig deeper.

I pretty sure H was rather lucid of where and when he was during that dinner. Pleasant small talk, eye contact, and such. Sure, all fine and good stuff. However, until OW is no more, he is running.

Perhaps their relationship is about run its course. Perhaps, he and her had a fight. Who knows. Until she is gone, keep doing what you do. Live your life.

I was slightly uncomfortable about it as well. It’s been ages since I held onto any hope for our marriage and I now find I resist any thought of reconciling.

That is understandable. You wisely see and know that this could be yet another false indication. You are also use to your current life, and there is no need to up end it. In fact, if any reconciling were to start - don’t up end your life.

If it is to be, let H catch up to you. As in, decide to run to something, rather than run from something.

I do believe H has made progress. These external displays harken to the internal progress made, for most MLCer progress occurs internally and hidden from us/others. The real interesting part from H’s apparent sudden shift - is your progress. Healed, forgiving, compassionate, and unsure.

Keep moving forwards Adios. Live a great life. And if your flickering hope burns a little brighter, that’s ok.

D