All great feedback and very kind words. They are much appreciated because I’m feeling a bit down . I am definitely turning the focus on me and I’m really enjoying the gym. Day 3 today, day 4 tomorrow for my bday for this week. Class is tough, but fun and the people are great.
So to answer some questions regarding “broken” people and attraction. I’ll try to break this down to understand.
1) why do I reject stable guys?
I do not. I haven’t met one recently.
There was bipolar guy. I didn’t know until I got to know him and I noticed his behaviors and he told me and I had to end it . So I did. Right before that was EMT boy. He was too over the top and flakey. Then there was pizza delivery guy. He delivered pizza because he was on disability. And he was just really boring and we had nothing in common. Then my coworker came to me to set me up with her son. Honestly, probably the most stable even though he is a recovering heroin addict with anxiety issues. But due to the history with my mom, the fear of relapse will always be there . Then came the next C. He was an awful communicator and wanted kids. Nothing I could do about that one. After him came the Texan. More I got to know him, the more I realized he was not what I needed in my life. So really, I’m not passing up any stable guys. And you don’t really get to know how crazy until you get to know them . So am I really choosing them and passing up on stable guys. No. I don’t feel I am.
As for why I am “attracted” to any of these “broken” men. I will not call it a trauma bond, but I have lived a hard life from day one. I never had it easy, I’ve had it very challenging . My childhood wasn’t great, and because of that we all know how my early adulthood went . Chose a bad partner . That was when I was “broken” I know hardship and I can relate to others who have known hardship. It’s something in common. But I don’t consider myself broken. Texan is broken. It makes me very sad for him. But the guy who grew up with a great childhood and had everything easy makes it kind of hard for me to relate I guess. Or maybe I feel like they can’t relate to me. But there is a fine line between broken and those who knew hardship. I find that character can be developed from a hard life abs overcoming obstacles and coming out on top. That’s something that is very attractive tics to me and I can relate to.
So I hope that explains it a bit better. Do I entertain these “broken” men longer than I should? Yea. A part of me understands their pain.
