No such luck

[DonH]

I don’t think I ignored anyone .i said I see what I see and eyes wide open. It wasn’t ignoring . It was observing. And I did what I had to do when i felt I had to do it . And Im
not going back on it

So from what you’ve provided, this “R” lasted about a month. In all there’s really little to be critical about. Had this gone on for half a year it would be totally a different story. So on one hand you did very well. You gave him about 4 or 5 weeks to prove he was worth your time. He failed miserably and you ended it. You did well if measured by this yardstick. But you also went all in very quickly - 3 dates in a week and went exclusive. A weekend getaway was next. Then the drama started.

You could have achieved the same outcome but without much of the pain, anxiety and drama had you gone slower and made him prove himself BEFORE he was given the prize of becoming your boyfriend. You gave him the prize and then allowed him to win it. Typically people have to win the game before getting the trophy. You chose to give him the trophy at the start of the game. Just something to consider. It also was revealed why he pushed so hard to lock you down during the first week - then move to jealousy and possession in his next swift steps.

As for who this and the others are, you are not attracting all of these broken guys, you seem to be choosing them. Why is that? Why are you attracted to the broken and turned off by the stable? You’ve had seemingly good guys show interest yet you don’t feel anything. You don’t feel excited or attracted. Why? Why would you even consider a twice D’d recently dumped middle aged guy with a drinking and gambling problem who works 20 hours a week, doesn’t own a home, has no savings and by his own admission doesn’t want to be a high functioning adult. He was worthy of becoming your BF within one week? Was it because he showed you attention? Because he drove across a toll bridge to see you where previous BFs made you come to them?

There is something about these very broken guys that you seem to be very attracted to and comfortable with. It’s way above my pay grade to annualize - I just know it’s the case. You’re not attracting these guys - you’re attracted to these guys. Seems to me you need to figure out why you’re not attracted to the good guys.

I hope you’ll sit with that and give it some thought. Don’t waste time thinking about why guys like this seem to find you but rather why you seem to find them. In all though you did well terminating this quick, one month R. My guess is he’s not done trying to get you back. Please don’t let that happen. He has very clearly showed you who he is. You saw it within days and acted within a month. Not bad. Hopefully next time you’ll see it before you award the trophy and avoid the drama and anxiety. He might have been worthy of a few dates. He was never worthy of being your BF.