I'm Back after 1st DB (5)

[BL42]

toughtimes180,

Just looking for advice, but it seems every time I ask for advice, it's the same answer Focus on self, focus on kids, move on.

The advice posters give reflect the updates you provide. If you're frustrated about the repetitive nature, consider why that may be. Typically it's an area the LBS is stuck on and needs to address.

I just lose a bit of focus now and then when STBXW complicates, blocks, frustrates, etc.

Your STBXW doesn't have the power to complicate, block, and frustrate you unless you allow it. Be a person of strength. You know your purpose and goals; nothing phases you. Be cool, calm, and collected. Don't let her actions impact you.

I'm also nervous because I don't fully trust where she is going with D.

You don't need to fully trust her. In fact, you shouldn't. Try to get to a place where you don't care what she does. Flip the power and determine what YOU want, and pursue that.

Don't engage. Let your lawyer handle it.

I wouldn't send that. If you can't handle negotiation with her, leave it to the mediation service or your attorney. Don't send pointless, provocative e-mails.

I agree w/Valeska19 & Traveler. Don't send that note.

Too many words; just take action. If you want to have a professional draft up a proposal, that's certainly your right, just do it. No need to explain all the reasoning to STBXW. And btw...that proposal does not set in stone the outcome. Your STBWX has every right to reject it. Ultimately you'll both need to agree to a settlement or go to trial.

Also, I strongly recommend re-reading the language you use. Not sure if others agree, but to me it comes off as very impatient, controlling, patronizing, and condescending. Is this typical of your communication and interactions with STBXW? If so, you might discuss with IC or work on a 180 there on listening and empathizing vs. "telling" or "commanding".

I agree w/others you should drop the direct settlement discussions w/STBXW and work through an L.