I think perhaps you should get some IC and really explore if you want to be with this person.
Sometimes, we feel like the marriage has worked in the past so surely it can work in the future. We want to keep our kids’ family together, and in that process of “validating”, we can fall into a trap of being unable to identify where the line in the sand is.
She’s being a b*tch because she wants you to leave her so it’s not her fault. It’s very simple, and common behaviour.
Two questions for you:
1. What would it take for you to go “I’ve had enough of this, I don’t want to be with this person”? Where is your line in the sand? What would she have to do/say/be for you to check out? This is an important question, because if your account is true, she is an abuser and I think you should be just about there.
2. Picture your best mate and his wife. Imagine he takes you out for beers and tells you his wife is doing this to him. What would you say?
These questions are important because they give you an external perspective on your situation.
Sometimes, people DB incredibly well - and their partner is still a garden variety arsehole.
You deserve better than this Peter.
In terms of your questions “how do I respond to xxxx”… I know you are doing IHS and you have a child, but you give her way too many opportunities. You need to reign in the opportunity for her to play her BS games. I know you can’t be away from your house 24/7, but try these things:
1. Avoid interaction with her as much as possible 2. Turn off social media 3. Turn your phone off if she’s text bombing you 4. Zero sex under all circumstances 5. Setup another bed in the house and tell her to move into a different room, DONT ASK. “You’ve made it clear you aren’t in love with me, I respect that, you sleep in the study now.” 6. No breakfast. No meals together. 7. You’re either out exercising/shopping/gym/walking, or you’re having 1 on 1 time with your son.
I get that you can’t stamp out 100% of interactions with IHS and without blocking her phone etc. But there’s way too many opportunities for you two to interact. You need to absolutely minimise every possible chance. “Tell me why you’re so happy. Tell me why we should be together.” - “I’m going for a run, bye!” and leave.
