You know - sometimes - and I’m not saying this is necessarily your wife - but sometimes women threaten divorce in an attempt to get their husband to “fight for them”. (Men don’t seem to do this, for whatever reason). Whether that’s her or not I can’t know, but she does seem to be having some second thoughts now that you’re not fighting her on the divorce and are giving her a taste of what life would be like without you.
Perhaps the stance to take would be to tell her “Divorce is not what I want, but since you seem to still be determined to divorce, it seems like you could at least be kinder about breaking my heart”.
Or, if you DON’T want her back - because she’s pretty abusive! - then stop sleeping with her and say “ I can’t sleep with someone who is divorcing me and not in love with me. Let’s just put our children first and part amicably. I set you free and hope you find happiness.”
Whichever you decide, the fighting in front of your autistic son has to stop. If it’s legal in your state, try secretly recording her when she’s doing this in your sons presence - this might help you if custody becomes an issue.
