Need advice: wife of 10 years wants out (2)

[BL42]

PeterB,

It's been 10 days of relative peace (including an unexpected positive re-revision of one part of our MR) until today morning. She has snapped (understatement) at me many times during the last 10 days but I was always able to use boundary enforcement effectively.

You say 10 days of "relative peace", but also that she's snapped at you many times. Doesn't sound peaceful.

Any advice what to do when she starts disrespectful conduct while I am driving?

I'm not sure other than to avoid being in a vehicle with her. Maybe others have thoughts.

She went on for about 15 mins while I listened. I validated about two times and finally excused myself.

Good job.

Instead, she blamed her behavior on me and said that she is the worst form of herself around me.

It's incredibly common around here for the WAS/WS to blame the LBS for the WAS/WS's actions. Remember, for your own sanity, a persons' actions are a reflection of their own character, not yours.

She said how she was confused but she is full of bitterness towards me that she cannot overcome. She also wondered aloud if she should consider staying in this M with no real love, but still have a great time by living together and 'coparenting'.

I'd believe her when she says she's confused, but remember to trust her actions not her words.

She also made excuses for having sex with me by telling me about a bit of knowledge gained from a 'women's magazine', that pre-divorce sex is common and awesome, it means nothing, and the girl should eventually be strong enough to D.

She's going to seek out justification & validation for her actions & decisions.

Then she dropped ILYBINILWY.

Also incredibly common.

Started swearing at me in front of my son and chased me around while I left the scene. Things such as this were said - "Fu*k this marriage, I don't fu*king care", "You know what let's get a D tomorrow", "You have done nothing good for me after I said I want divorce".

There's no excuse for this behavior. You can not condone or allow her to scream and swear at you in front of your child.

She also made vomiting sounds to express her disgust of me and that she can't stand it when I am near her.

It sounds like she has absolutely no respect for you. That's ugly behavior.

I did not respond to any of these.

Good.

I have not read any of them and have spent quality time with my son (she knows I have not read them as its Whatsapp), until a break to write this up.

Thoughts and advice?

No idea what the messages say, but you're smart for focusing on your son and waiting. I wouldn't respond emotionally, IF at all. Unless there's a critical item about your son, it's unlikely you need to / should respond.

During above episode she once walked up to me in a huff and asked me - "Tell me why do you want to stay in this marriage?". I did not answer but I acknowledged the question by looking at her and nodding. She told me forcefully "you need to answer". Then my son pulled me to attend to something and she walked away. How should I respond to a question like this?

It sounds like she's trying to be ugly and mean to get a rise out of you and make you be the bad guy / pull the trigger. You don't need to respond at all. However, if you have to say something "I'll have to think about that.", then leave the room.

PeterB - That's a lot of anger and hate sent your way. Hang in there.