Saving Pack through D, Pack_19 part V

[Pack_19]

Hi all! I hope you are doing great! thanks a lot for following up with me. Since I posted here this last doubt I have always tried to remain polite when we exchange the kids. Hello, a short smile and goodbye. But always focused on the kids and thinking that I am doing this for them. At the end of the day, no matter how much she has hurt me, she will always be their mom.

I am back on full GAL mode now that I can exercise again. Physically I am back to crossfit and aiming at my past PRs, I can run longer distances and have signed up for a new half marathon in Valencia. Intellectually I am trying to grow as a leader and even if I only have a team of 4, I am trying to be a good leader technically and in the personal side of our relationship. Emotionally, I continue to practice active listening and monitor that I do not chase any woman and just build a life as a man on principles focused on my children. Spiritually I have developed this mental metaphor that I was hanging from a cliff and tied to a rope that was anchored on my past life (Munich, our family routine, my W, my job in a cool office at the city center). I was scared to death to cut the rope, but now I have a parachute (my changes, my books, this forum, my new goals) so I imagine myself cutting the rope and free falling down the cliff. I dont know what lies at the bottom of the cliff, but I am safe thanks to my parachute, I am enjoying the feeling of free falling (letting go) and the speed at which I am going down prevents me from looking back.

I recently read NMMNG again and I focused on the sections about regaining your power, masculinity and sexuality. I am now reading again "The multiorgasmic man" (back to the sexual kung fu) and will go back to "What women want when they test men" when done with that one. I am working with a friend on the possibility to start our own business on the basis of Machine Learning (what I do now) and quantum compute and it is a very exciting idea that has a scary side because I always think that the future of my children depends on how well I can do professionally (offering them a good university and so on). I am mainly working now on my confidence, self esteem and appearance. I am a driven man, I have goals, a mission, I know myself, I know my needs and the kind of woman I expect to find some day.

I am lonely, I havent been on a miserable date for months and the accident certainly hasnt helped. Sometimes I think that I am not ready yet and I am wasting the best years of my life waiting for a change on W that will never happen. So I have to stop waiting and get going. W remains the same, a friend I met yesterday told me she keeps posting pictures as if she was an influencer on IG and he was telling me how it feels as if she is empty inside. I stopped him and said, I dont want to hear about this J, I am trying to get over her and our past and focused on the kids. When we exchange the kids I am starting to see the stranger she has become. I tell myself, Pack it has been 3 years, you need to leave this painful limbo and build a new life, you have done your best but it was never under your control. Focus on the very few things you can control.

Our kids are always paying attention - even when we don't realize it. It's a great gift to model authenticity and compassion. Do that and they will be fine - so will you, but especially do it for them. I'm glad my post helped.
xo

Thanks for the message bttrfly, sometimes I can tell S8 is aware of things that are happening and I feel it makes no sense to protect him of what is our reality. I am focused on showing him he is truly important to me and our relationship is at the top of my priorities and I think he is picking up on that. So easy when you stop trying to change for someone that never loved you and instead focus on being the best version of yourself!

Pack. I wouldn’t give up so easy. Don’t sit and pine for her, get on with your life but you guys are very young and no one knows what the future holds. You GAL like nobody I have ever seen and are destined for great things. Chin up tits out!

Hi LH19. When I first read your post this weekend my brain went into "maybe she changes someday and realizes what we had as a family". See how I still need to work on detachment a lot, I took the time to analyze my thoughts and I remembered the day Sandi told me I focused on the part of the post that I wanted to. Thanks a lot for the message. After all the mistakes I have made, remember my attempt of an ultimatum when W was ignoring me? What a mess I have been. I feel like successfully GAL and being the man I want to be carries inertia, the more you do of it, the easier it becomes. I have now understood your post, forgive myself, forgive W, move on, focus on me and embrace whatever life has to bring me in the upcoming years. Thanks LH, I am sure you will have more comments for me after this post.

And I completely supported him for that. But there was one big difference. They didn't have kids. So cutting all ties was a no-brainer and a no problem for him at all.

Your situation is different. I get that you are beyond hurt. I completely understand why you feel no need to even acknowledge her. But as others have said your kids are watching. Their mom is still their mom. No one here is suggesting you be friendly like you are with the bread maker and other strangers. Just that you are polite.

I'd also suggest discussing this with a good IC.

Pack, you have made huge strides in your time here. I know you've had a long, difficult road. But you've put in the work and moved yourself forward. You've got this!

I hear you Steve, no matter how badly I want to pull her away from my life, she is going to be there, for the long term. Thanks a lot for supporting me in the decision that I cannot be friends with W. I remember at the beginning of our in house separation, she would tell me all she wanted is for us to be friends and talk about the kids but that our R was dead. I will be polite, strong and unbreakable. I have two little men that I have to turn into real men who would not repeat the mistakes their father made.

I am amazed at how long it has been and how slowly I have seen reality, what W was doing, how I was reacting, how it was hurting my children and how wrong I was about the idea of saving my marriage with changes in myself. What a drive Steve! I would never go through it again but in the long run it will make the man I always wanted to be and the best father for S8 and S3.

Thank you all, I remain NC, working on myself, accepting my fight is over, focused on my PIES and the new man I am becoming. I will not let you down!