It’s wordy, which in this case is perfect. EXH can/will read it often.
Originally Posted by Eagle3
I know this is not problem anymore but still affects me and I wanted to mention it here to show how they can shift so swiftly.
Would this be because he is happy with her and therefore turning around? Have you ever seen this in MLC?
One of the major traits of MLC is confusion. A crisis is an emotional irrational journey. The MLCer is driven by their emotions. And emotions/feelings are fleeting; therefore flipping and flopping on issues is pretty standard.
Now, this confusion is largest during entry into the crisis or tunnel. Once they are deeply consumed they do settle into their depression and narrative. Exiting the tunnel - either a temporary peaking out, or actually awakening - exhibits confusion. Consider pre-crisis they are purring along living life. Then past traumas are dug up within them. Competing views and desires push and pull internally, which is confusing. As this continues, their pressure increases and increases. Little outward indications become apparent, although are mostly overlooked. Eventually the pressure and confusion reaches such a threshold that kaboom, bomb drop.
Here, they’ve entered the full blown crisis. Confusion reigns in their life as they firm up their narrative and lay to rest their past life. Their running behaviours and vices keep the confusion and demons away. The MLCer is quite confident and assured in themselves of their new shinny life. Until at rest. Oh, the demons do play when one is at rest. Hence, why they run. And run they do. Spending money, drugs, drink, affairs, illicit actives, anything to feel young and alive. The terrible truth buried again; that they feel dead inside, and so very full of pain and hurt.
Peaking out of the tunnel, a mini awakening, and such all exhibit more confusion. The MLCer’s crafted narrative and life unravels somewhat. This is part of the emotional path they are on. Some peek out for just a moment or two, some days to months, and some stay awaken. It is easy to understand that they need to be more healed to face reality than their fantasy.
As stated, the crisis is driven by their emotions. So changes in their direction can be like flipping a switch. Feelings, after all, come and go pretty quickly.
XH’s sudden offer to pay $50K is odd. Amazing. And odd. I mean you are divorced and I’m guessing he doesn’t legally owe you it. Or if he does, he has been withholding remittance and now got a surge of goodwill. That, and his other goodwill gesture and acknowledgment of all you’ve done over the last years, does appear to be brought about by some external force or pressure.
Is XH’s generosity brought on by happy? Or sad?
Hard to say. I’m sure son’s project has stirred something within him. Some things XH isn’t wanting to look at. He could be trying to compensate for his guilt.
XH and OW2 could be engaged, and he is super elated. Making magnanimous gestures and payments of bills due. Creating a feeling of a clean slate as it were.
Or G is making another appearance.
Time will tell. For now, accept his offer, if he actually follows through with it.
Crisis is all about him. OW <whatever number> is a symptom. She is not the cure! If XH is turning around it is because of himself.
That being said, it is possible for a MLCer to heal and remain with their other person. However, most break up. The relationship was born out of deceit and illicit behaviour. And that is an unstable foundation of sand; hardly strong enough to weather life’s storms.
The OP is a sign of running. If she is around, so is the crisis.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
