Wow, what a challenging task for S17. I remember being a lad of 17, and expressing feelings was difficult, never mind putting them to paper. I am very impressed son’s topic was his Dad. You must be very proud of son. And you should be!
Originally Posted by Eagle3
It turned out to be a very beautiful but also very heavy task. Huge amount of emotion, an explanation of his anger, sadness, how he misses his old dad, why he doesn't understand that his dad doesn't want to seek help for his issues, that there are 2 personalities in him, etc.
Excellent.
Eagle, son is going to be alright.
My kids faced their Mom’s leaving and behaviour head on. They spoke to their classmates, stood at the front of the class, and let everyone know what happened. They poured out their feelings and hurt in their music; the music professor was a family friend and she encouraged some really dynamic and angry pieces.
S17’s pouring out is great to see. It’s like a year of therapy right there, all wrapped up in one project.
Got to say, I am impressed that son shared his project/feelings with Dad. And EXH’s response is pretty interesting.
Originally Posted by Eagle3
I would really love to hear your opinion on this as I’m still way too gullible, this seems to be a characteristic which I can’t seem to get rid of. LOL
How about hopeful, instead of gullible.
EXH acknowledges so much in his response. He mentions the difficulty in reading his son’s feelings, and how difficult it must have been for son to do this work. Displaying empathy is a positive thing. And folks lost and consumed are not empathic toward others.
EXH even pauses and confirms postponement of a few days for more thoughtful discussion. Again, something most crisis folks do not display often; as their attention span is like that of a gnat, and they usually respond quickly and from emotions.
Dad doesn’t blame son. Nor does he accept any blame. There is no clear accountability on his part put into writing. He does acknowledge his troubles and turmoil, and recognizes his desire to get help.
One particular part that doesn’t sit well with me is wanting to make an exception for the last five years. EXH is pretty plain about ignoring these last years and let’s just enjoy the next forty.
Overall, a positive(ish) and “G” style message. And, you’ve been here before.
Originally Posted by Eagle3
You have to know that EXH has a log of money now, he doesn't work, OW2 doesn't work either and is constantly traveling and living a life where he doesn't have to deal with anyone. He has also made his R with OW2 public but does not say anything about it to S17 (S17 also wants nothing to do with this and I think this is obvious to EXH).
The other life. Less responsibilities. Fun in the sun.
Originally Posted by Eagle3
If he sends such a message to S17 about seeking help, but he still lives it up so heavily with OW2, is this possible?
Hence my initial thought, he may be more self-reflective after all, but the more I read this, the more I think it's another form of manipulation.
EXH/Dad/G said some very nice words. However, his actions are saying something different.
I suspect son’s open and honest emotions pulled Dad out of his tunnel. EXH sees what he did. Feels bad. Would like things to be better. But, how long will it last? Will EXH do the needed work to make things better? All that depends upon EXH.
Originally Posted by Eagle3
Again only words, not actions, and why ask for help from S17, it must be professional help in my opinion, S17 will not be able to help him get over his issues…
Yes, look to actions. Words are important, yet actions speak louder.
You are correct S17 will not be able to help Dad get over his issues. In fact, son should not be involved in a capacity as counsellor at all. Son does not need the responsibility of his Dad’s mental and emotional health upon his shoulders. Not at all!
Son could (should) reply something along the lines of: Dad I love you too. I am unable to help you find yourself. Please follow through with what you said and seek help. We cannot just make an exception or ignore the last five years, however the future can be better.
So, yes the message and EXH is manipulating. Less nefarious than previous times perhaps. But still, it’s not “I messed up. What do I need to do to make things right?” It is steps in that direction though. Time will tell if it sticks this round.
Oftentimes people need to hit rock bottom to find the drive and will to make permanent life changes. And rock bottom is where and when one decides it to be. To me, EXH hasn’t quite reached that point. Yet.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
