Yes H is dragging out the divorce for his own irrational reasons. I agree, there is nothing left to squabble over, yet he persists. Does he still have the same lawyer for all these last years? He fired like four of them before settling in on this one I think. Wow, H’s legal bill will be ginormous.
It’s so good to read that you, under these trying circumstances, made huge strides in your life. Living a life you want to live and how you want to live. I am so happy for you. Lord knows you had a life thrust upon you for quite some time.
My goodness, son going to college. Yes, that will be upon you before you realize. It’s ok if you don’t enjoy every minute, kids certainly do push and test us. Lol. By the way, years later, like when they are 23 and getting married, you definitely enjoy(ed) every minute when looking back. Everything happens for a reason; all the stress has purpose. Have faith, the dividends are worth the investment.
Son’s confiding in you, those late night walks, him seeing rather clearly, is a most welcomed thing to read. Good job Mom! You are the role model. Gently encouraging and guiding.
I’m sorry daughter is struggling again.
Originally Posted by Gerda
My D is struggling so much more now that she has been seeing H again. So much rage and feelings of self hatred. She is so mean to me pretty much ALL the time, and digging deep for patience is my constant practice, though I don't always succeed.
(((Hugs)))
Daughter is lashing out to her safe loving parent - you.
She cannot risk showing her anger towards Dad, to Dad. She cannot risk loosing him, yet. She will grow up, and find her way. Just like son did.
Her feelings of self hatred and rage are her reactions to Dad, turned inward. Unfortunately, and sadly, a common emotional mechanism for the young. As much as it hurts you, daughter lashing out to you is a good thing, it’s a release and doesn’t keep it all bottled up. Absolutely misdirected, for sure, as Dad is the real target, yet she has to start somewhere. Dig deep for patience, realize daughter needs someone to talk to, and she is talking to you in her own way right now. Soon it will become talking with you, instead of to you.
Originally Posted by Gerda
Yesterday she screamed and cried for hours about how he doesn't love her and how she wished he'd never say it because it's a lie, he just leaves her sitting there for 8 hours a day at the restaurant and even disappears at times and when he is there is drinking all day.
It’s a very difficult process and realization to accept; the loss of a Dad (or a Mom). That ideal, that vision, that loving parent that all kids deserve. Such a hard road to journey for these teens/children.
The un-sugarcoated truth. My four kids all had to let, had to watch, their Mom die - inside of themselves. They had to let go and stop struggling against what is. That woman, their loving mother, is not here. Yes, there is a woman before them, and she is very much different. And in horrible ways. Acceptance of such a thing is a painful process.
Grief. The journey to emotionally accepting and understanding a loss. Daughter is seeing it and working it out. Your job dear Gerda, is the unsung one. The task not realized by others who haven’t walked this path. A most difficult rewarding road - remaining consistent, patient, loving, with gentle guidance.
Very good advice on starting. Start now! It doesn’t need to be perfect, it just needs one’s willingness to start. Your cabin, a flip business, a rehab project, and many creative works; sounds like you are living a great life.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
