With moving, downsizing, and all, it’s reasonable to feel off balance.
I do agree with letting go items that you do not know if you will be able to utilize in the future. Yes, a storage invoice is an expense you don’t need.
The hurt is of course more from emotional attachment than the donating or loss of the actual material item. That worry of possible future regret(s) will dissipate. Keep items of significant heirloom value, and if in the future you find you need something you tossed - just go buy it. Overall, I think you will have little regrets following the strategy you are currently doing. As difficult as it currently is. (((Hug)))
It is interesting to hear about STBXH’s appearance. Under all the facade, bravado, brashness, exhibited confidence, and drive to divorce and destroy, lives their hurt that propelled them in the first place. And those demons extract a toll. In the stillness of night, laying with just themselves and their actions, how many sleep soundly.
These lost souls get emotionally dragged back to their unrealized buried trauma(s) and need to grow up from there, and from then. It is pretty weird to see someone behaving and living and feeling from such a time shifted perspective. Of course, if you didn’t previously know them, it would be less apparent. And the MLCer “runs” and doesn’t exhibit these behaviours all the time, which adds to the weirdness. A crisis is no small thing.
Originally Posted by Elbereth
It is knowledge that also helps me to stand for myself. But with the way my MR was, and how I lost myself, I think I am trying to rebuild myself most of all. I have no idea of what I want or where I should go…because for so long I put the family before myself. And having my feelings invalidated for so long, I struggle to even recognize them for what they can tell me. I believed some of the things he told me, and I think I have some of my own baggage from how I was raised to work through as well. I’m trying to get to the point that I am excited about the growth and my future, but I’m still in the feeling overwhelmed stage. I’m hoping that once the move is done and I get a job or income that I’ll feel a bit more on my feet.
“I have no idea of what I want or where I should go…” (((Hugs)))
Strengthen that which serves. Craft that which you aspire to. Alter or discard that which does not serve.
I remember being lost too. I had poisonous words from J within me ears and heart. Poison that I needed to transmute. And I remember rebuilding myself, piece by piece. Examining each “block” and deciding which truly mattered and served.
Beliefs, convictions, and values - so very slow to change. Take your time, and (re)build well. You have the gift of time.
Looking back, all my feelings, my fears, my doubts, my lost confidence, the feeling of being an imposter in my own life, all of that - is absent. Feelings really are fleeting.
We are the lucky few. Seriously, this unwanted difficult path which we are forced upon is a golden opportunity, a blessing a rare few will ever get. And even rarer few will fully embrace.
This overwhelming stage is perfectly normal; you’ve got lots going on right now in your life too other than all this inner work. You will find your balance, land firmly upon your feet, and be excited about your future. I’ve no doubt, the indicators of such are written within your posts.
Keep moving forward El. You so got this.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
