I'm Back after 1st DB (4)

[BL42]

toughtimes180,

I understand the kids' ages now. I'm used to the convention of S or D with the age afterwards (E.g., D11, S8, D1) as opposed to S1 for 1st son or D2 for 2nd daughter, so I thought you were saying you had a 2yo daughter, 1yo son, and 1yo daughter.

D1 is 11 years old. She was pretty cool with the announcement, and very mature about the response. Said as long as we're happy, that's ok. She even said better to be separated and happy, than miserable and together.

Glad to hear she took it well. Continue to monitor her closely going into the teenage years.

S, who is 8, took it hard.

Sorry, that's hard. He'll probably have a tough time for awhile but it'll get better over time.

What I'm trying to say about the kids is that D2 is just over 1. And because the kids can't be split, it's going to be hard to get any sleep over time with D1 and S, unless STBXW agrees. The court doesn't like splitting families, and I'm not willing to risk D2 with sleepovers given the potential impact later in life. So with that decision, and I know that the board here says go for 50/50, I'll probably have limited sleep overs with D1 and S.

Again, IMO you're making too big a deal about D1 switching sleepovers. My now-D3 was 1yo when W moved out and handled the sleepovers fine. I continue to stress you should go for 50/50 in days and nights. All of your children should get used to sleeping at Mommy's and Daddy's. You do not want to set the precedent they sleep at mommy's regularly and just visit daddy. Just my $0.02. I've said this to you several times now, so I'll shut up about it going forward.

In any event, I'm off to chat with a 3rd L and see what they say about settlement and custody. After seeing three Ls, I should have a good sense as to who I'm comfortable with.

Good. It's great your consulting multiple Ls. That knowledge is critical.