Wolfman moving forward2

[Dawn70]

People are so interesting in how they view things differently. My H and I have a similar night-time ritual to what you describe with your gf's love language. Our ritual started out of necessity kind of....my H had a job that required him to get up and leave our house really early, and it was a very physically demanding job, so he would need to go to bed early to rest. In order for us to have much time together in the evenings, we started going to bed early and watching tv and he'd fall asleep before me (which neither of us minded because we were still there together). I had never had a tv in my room as an adult, but both my XH and my current husband insisted on it so here we are. Anyway, even after Sparky changed jobs, we still kept that as our little night-time ritual, just pushing the time back a bit. So, now, we usually go to bed and watch tv for an hour or so, cuddle, chit chat, whatever. And, now I'm usually the one who falls asleep. Neither of us are bothered by that, but your gf clearly is so you need to figure out how to stay awake. Maybe you aren't a tv person so you could suggest something else y'all could do (NOT SEXUAL) like playing cards or just talking or reading together or something that you might both find relaxing. Just a thought. I like the time my H and I share with our little ritual, but again, neither of us mind if the other falls asleep so it isn't an issue for us like it is for your gf. Traveler suggested staying out of bed and watching tv, but if you are anything like me, I can fall asleep just as easy watching tv on the couch, so that wouldn't really solve the problem. LOL Maybe I'm just old. LOL

As far as her talking to a therapist but not finding a relationship therapist. Why can't she/you do both? I mean honestly, if she wants to talk to someone herself and then wants to seek counseling with you as well, I don't think that is a bad thing. You keep saying she didn't find a relationship person like you are accusing her of doing something bad. It doesn't seem bad to me. She just wanted to talk to someone. Maybe she's waiting for YOU to take the lead on the counselor for your joint sessions. TALK TO HER about it and don't just assume. You said you were good with her talking to someone on her own so be supportive of that. Don't go in and accuse her of talking to someone on her own but not getting someone for both of you. That might really backfire on you.

I think those who mentioned date nights are on to something. Scheduled nights where you go do something you both enjoy outside of the house with no pressure or expectations of anything. I would disagree with Traveler in that I wouldn't ask her father a d@mn thing because he clearly isn't terribly supportive of her, but otherwise, I agree with what he posted above. Plan fun bonding date activities, day or night. Start with something she really likes to do to get her engaged.

And please, please, PLEASE stop trying to keep score. You keep talking about how you are trying to fulfill her love language but she is ignoring yours. Keeping score NEVER works out well in any of these scenarios, so just let it go. Either you want to connect to her in her love language because you love her or because you want something from her. Figure out which of those you fall into then work from there accordingly, but don't keep tally. That's honestly not fair to either of you or your relationship as a whole.