Wolfman moving forward2

[Wolfman]

Wow Thank you all for the advice and questions, I really appreciate it. I am going to try and address a lot of the comments and questions, If I miss any, I apologize.

LH you asked how can i connect with her. She has expressed to me that she needs time to heal and that a lot has happened a it takes time. I do understand that to a certain extent. She brings up things from a year ago. i ask what can i do to help heal these wounds? She said it just takes time and not make any of those mistakes again.

Some of you brought my comment about my love language as being touch. i express to her that she used to randomly sit on my lap, just give me a random kiss and she doesnt do those things anymore. We do hold hands when we go out, even when we are sleeping in bed. But that is it. If I do initiate $ex forget it, most of the time there is something that is more important. Some examples: At night she will say she is too tired or would rather just watch tv. I understand her being tired. So during the day when the baby takes a nap, she will say she either has to clean, make food or some sort of chore. A lot of times i will come up behind her and put my arms around her and give her a kiss on the cheek. I either get she is busy and a little annoyed I am bothering her or just seems disinterested, she wont even turn and hug me back or kiss me back. So, if at night you are too tired and during the day you are too busy, when do I fit in? Im not looking for it everyday, but man once and a while would be nice. I want to ask you all. Am I asking for too much? Are my expectations too high? Maybe I am wrong but One of the issues in a relationship is a $exle$$ marriage (relationship). I am getting very frustrated feeling "no love".

Her love language is time. At night she just wants to lay in bed together and watch tv. Which i do most nights. The one thing that is hard is for me to stay awake. Back in September i started a new routine. To go to the gym before work. So, I am up at 4:30 am and go to the gym for an hour, then go to work. So by 9pm, i am exhausted. Thats usually the time we have our down time, so a lot of times we will start watching tv and i will fall asleep, and she gets annoyed with me, that is supposed to be our quality time together. One thing, I am trying to fulfill her love language, even though I fail sometimes because I fall asleep. But its like she doesnt have to fill my love language. Also, it would be nice to me intimate once and a while. Just to clarify, i might have said it wrong we are intimate once every other month, THATS IT!!

Counseling: she is open to it. She wants to try. But something very interesting happened the other day. She said she had a telahealth appointment with her OBGYN and asked me to watch the baby. I said no problem. The appointment went for an hour. So, I knew immediately it wasn't. When she came back to the room after the appointment, i said that was pretty long (she explained to me earlier that the OBGYN was just following up with her because she had a c section). I said what did they ask you about the c section? You started to stutter, which she never does and i knew right away it was a therapist. So, I asked did you speak with a therapist? She hesitated and said yeah. I asked her why did she lie to me? What was the big deal. Her response was, I don't know with you. Side note in the last year there have been some things that have happened i have not spoken about. I do apologize, i need to include that info, it is a lot i will include it in another post soon. I said to her that i thought that was good that she was speaking to someone. But in my mind a little confused why she didn't try and get a relationship counselor. Side note through our insurance they are supposed to provide one, but my insurance says the person retired and have not replaced them with anyone yet. Her insurance is different so maybe they same happened to her, i should have asked. Also, wanting a relationship therapist, I am not looking for someone to tell me who is right and who is wrong, but how we can compromise and figure things out. Not looking for a judge, looking more for a mediator.

Giving my input about the baby: I want to make sure that i am always involved. My ex threw that in my face when we were getting divorced that she made all the decisions for the kids and made me feel like i was a bad father because i wasn't involved in all the decisions. I don't ever want to feel like that again. Even though I did everything with my kids, when It came to making decisions ex: Dr.'s, medicine, nap times, clothes to wear, etc, I left that too my ex. Then in divorce she threw that in my face. Thats why i feel I need to be a part of every decision now. It really stinks to feel that way.

Traveler thank you for explaining my situation.

i hope I was able to address a lot of questions and comments. Thanks again everyone