As I said, outwardly I've never been upset, or argue, despite how I feel on the inside
As an avoidant, you aren't comfortable directly showing that you're upset, but after having a heated conversation with your XW, you drove off and didn't attend the school event. After being upset by her card, you trashed it in a place where she was likely to see it. Your STBXW noticed these displays of emotion and called both of them out.
All of us act out in one way or another when under pressure. IHS is a crucible. You're being given the perfect opportunity to test changes. If you can validate now, you can validate anywhere.
