I'm Back after 1st DB (4)

[Josh71]

What she is really feeling (and what’s pissing her off) is that you are not responding like she wants you to (she can’t control you), and she’s having to face the consequences of her actions.

Yes, and that makes me feel strong. That is what my WIP is, to control my own life. When you frame your two reasons, yeah, that makes sense. I'm not interested in a Plan-B. She walked out mid-couples therapy, and made her intentions clear. Now I'm making mine clear.

She isn't aggressively following through with D, but as I've learnt here, I'm not going to dwell on her motives or state of mind. Whatever right?

Not in a good state of mind ATM.

Why? This is incredibly weak (and unattractive) behaviour. Are you going to let this person’s shitty behaviour control your mood?

I say this inwardly, but outward, I've never shown this. Today, I never showed any reaction to her reaction, and I've been purposely friendly in our conversations. This is my WIP, to not enmesh my emotions to her emotions. I'm aware of this co-dependency issue I have, and it's something I need to work on. She knows this, an it's a hard habit to break.

So STBXW found the card in the bin when taking some cardboard out.

This is exactly what you wanted, or more specifically created.

It is, in a way what I wanted, just not face to face as it happened. Unfortunate timing.

I own it, I accept the consequences. I probably could have handled it better, yes. In fact, none of this detracts, nor aligns with my goals. So when you frame it in terms of goals, it wasn't necessary. Saying nothing, and keeping the card would have sufficed.

My goals are to proceed with D, to better bond with all my kids, to understand my contribution to D and to subsequently improve all my relationships. Specifically, how to stop being avoidant and to foster true close connections. I've already started that process already with friends and family. In one month, I've never been closer to my Mom and Sister.