I'm Back after 1st DB (4)

[BL42]

I'm just overwhelmed with the idea of not having control, that she is calling all shots.

Control and the loss of it is a good area for you to explore, maybe in IC.

It's the "oh weather is good, let's all go to the beach" or "I'll pick up the kids from school for some afternoon fun, then return them go you", or "the cousins are at grandmas, come over". That is what I object to. These are things she actually said to me two weeks ago. Of course there is value in shared family time, but it feels to me she wants life as it is now, but just that I live somewhere down the road.

These would be my default replies--

"Oh weather is good, let's all go to the beach. <she has custody>" -> "Thank you--I have plans."
"I'll pick up the kids from school for some afternoon fun, then return them to you." -> "No--this is my custody day."
"The cousins are at grandma's, come over. <I have custody>" -> "Thank you--we have plans."

Traveler offers great responses IF these requests come up in the future. Also be prepared for her mindset to change.

Lots of WAS/WSs mention in IHS doing family activities going forward yet it never materializes. My ExW said we'd all meet up for walks and to grab ice cream cones and do shared birthday parties (not that I wanted to). A few weeks later OM2 and his family were celebrating my daughter's 2nd birthday at their new place. Remember the "don't believe anything she says"? Right now she could mean for outings at the beach or cousins gettogethers but that could change on a dime...or she could just be saying it to ease her mind. Who knows. Point is, don't expect that mindset to stay consistent going forward.

It's more likely than not to turn into "your time" and "her time" maybe with some school or activity pickups coordinated.