I'm Back after 1st DB (4)

[BL42]

toughtimes180,

I had a 12-hour GAL with my S. His first ice hockey game (yup, it exists down under). Awesome time.

That's great. Enjoy the bonding with your son. Chat up the other parents and make friends.

And all through the event, frosty messages with STBXW with a final request for the value of my IT equipment (really? Its so insignificant).

Why go back and forth on the value of IT equipment during S's event putting a damper on it for you? That's certainly is not an urgent issue. Deal via email waiting until you have time to consider and focus on it...or through a L. Lots of posters have made that suggestion, but you don't seem to follow that advice?

Please tell me, am I unreasonable to refuse this? Because really, what is best for the kids is a nuclear family. And that's finished. I can see it from her pov, it's an effed up sitch. She assumed I'd be the cooperative co-parent, life goes on. I just know I'll never move on if we act like a happy co-parenting couple, having her in my life everyday. I'm happy to hear someone tell me she has a point, get over it, and do it for the sake of the kids. But I don't think that I have the mental resolve to be that. Am I just making matters worse by resisting?

In terms of the parenting plan/custody/co-parenting...

My opinion is you want to define clear days on who the kids are staying with (E.g., every other week, 3-4-4-3, 2-2-3...etc.). I would not bake hours into those defined days where she come over to your place and play with the kids on your days. That's too granular. At least for me. Others may differ.

However, with little kids you'll have lots of activities and logistics. S has hockey; D has music. It's reasonable to work on reasonable coordinated within the define days to work out those activities. For example, I work remotely from home and flexible hours, which allows me to coach S7's sports teams, where as W works defined hours in the office. So even on "her weeks" I care for S after school and take him to those events and see him as much as she does even on her days. It's easier for her and it gives me more days/time with my kids. I could push back and tell her "it's your day; figure it out" but I want the extra time with my kids so I'm happy to help, not for her but for my kids and me. With your kids' ages, being able to collaborate on S's hockey and D's music practice with STBXW is going to make things easier for everyone in the long run. But get the defined days/weeks in print first, then worry about activity logistics. Be first up front to set expectations/boundaries and then relax and become more flexible. It'll get easier over time. And if you need your own time and don't want her leaning on you all the time, it's ok to state that as well.