It's interesting. I had a 12-hour GAL with my S. His first ice hockey game (yup, it exists down under). Awesome time. And all through the event, frosty messages with STBXW with a final request for the value of my IT equipment (really? Its so insignificant). I get home and complete snub. She's even talking to S right next to me, turning her back to me. I'm not reacting, even tell her good night, and she walks out of S room.
My immediate reaction is to think what did I do? But I reviewed my messages, and they were reasonable and polite. But I see why. She wanted to talk about a parenting plan, and realised that her proposal of fixed days would pose a logistical problem for her, she wouldn't be able to do after school activities while looking after D1. She also knows my position on partitioning the day. She mentioned she wanted flexibility to handle kids things on non-custodial days, and I said I'm not adverse to exploring flexibility, but had concerns about what does flexible mean. Let's explore schedules and agree how the next school term looks like.
I didn't think that was unreasonable, but apparently she did, and said this is why I want mediation so "the kids needs aren't overlooked."
Rather than dwell on her motives, as I so fruitlessly do, I'm going to just say (to myself), that's great, mediation involves compromise. Leave it with her to set up (which she is doing).
I'm going to lower my expectations on any sort of reasonableness from her. At this point, I can't expect anything from her.
But my fear on all this, is that for me to break free, and move on, I cannot have flexibility, be at her beckon call. I strongly feel "whats in kids interest" will be the justification for requesting anything, like to visit on my custody days, or for me to drop a kid to music lessons on her day.
Please tell me, am I unreasonable to refuse this? Because really, what is best for the kids is a nuclear family. And that's finished. I can see it from her pov, it's an effed up sitch. She assumed I'd be the cooperative co-parent, life goes on. I just know I'll never move on if we act like a happy co-parenting couple, having her in my life everyday. I'm happy to hear someone tell me she has a point, get over it, and do it for the sake of the kids. But I don't think that I have the mental resolve to be that. Am I just making matters worse by resisting?
