I'm Back after 1st DB (4)

[may22]

I vote no response. Toss it in the trash bin. Perhaps she'll see it lying there and wonder.

I did exactly that. It's in the outside paper recycle bin with the lid accidentally open.

I agree with R2C. This is passive-aggressive, manipulative behavior. Why did you do this? What were you hoping to gain?

And BL-- due respect, but you should know better than to recommend this kind of action to a newbie. Throw it out if you don't want it-- fine. Engineering so that she sees it lying in the garbage-- this is not DBing.

Maybe it's just where I am in the process, but it seems more nauseating and emotionally manipulative to me than touching. Why would you thank someone for creating a wonderful family...which you're actively working to break apart?

It's possible it's a manipulation attempt. It's also possible she feels gratitude towards the father of her children for helping to create and raise them, and getting an "XH" card was an attempt to avoid any misinterpretation.

I'll give her the benefit of the doubt and say it's not conscious. But based on her personality, it could be a way of pacifying after realizing I'm standing up. She will vacillate from rage (potentially narcissistic in nature), to calming and friendly. Which I guess is manipulation, conscious or not doesn't make a difference.

All y'all are spending a lot of time parsing out her behavior. Why she sent it. If she's being manipulative. Conscious or unconscious. Narcissism. Pacification. (I give Traveler the benefit of the doubt on this one that he's just trying to raise some alternate explanations.) But... jeez. Stop. Mindreading is a fool's game. All that energy being poured into something you cannot control-- your wife.

TT180-- focus on YOU. Breathe. GAL. What's best for you? Focus on that. Even if is is just something small you are doing for yourself today that can bring you joy. What helped me in my sitch when things got bad was to just spend time with my kids, totally focus on them and being 100% present, or going out to dinner with a girlfriend and having fun, or reading a totally indulgent beach read novel or watching a super engrossing movie. Yoga. Figure out how to give yourself a break from all this just for a bit.