Need advice: wife of 10 years wants out (2)

[PeterB]

I tried to remove myself physically, but she chased me down continuously (like she would do in the past during our R). At one point she shouted - "I am very smart, and I know what you know". Then she followed it up by cursing me for making her unhappy and "letting me go". And she shouted that I am trying to run away from blame and now blaming her for the D. She was unleashing self-righteous anger at me.

You should seriously consider audio or video recording these interactions. Ask your L what your local laws are on this. Many states, mine included, have "one party consent" laws meaning as long as you're part of the exchange you're legally allowed to record it. If W is lashing out verbally abusive or physically chasing you down that's a major red flag. Don't allow things to escalate and take on a potential domestic abuse charge (valid or not) which could do major damage to your standing in the house/kids, job, reputation...etc. Start recording, walk away calmly, make it clear you're not threatening in any way.

Thanks for bringing this into my consciousness. I have not felt that she would get vicious enough to try to screw me over but perhaps it's best not to take that for granted, especially now that the exposure of an A is involved (even though the exposure is unspoken and indirect).

I hadn't spoken a word after she blew up.

Great control. Good job. Way to keep your cool.

Thanks. This used to be quite hard initially but I'm getting better at it. Still not perfect as I have to work against my own unconscious tendency to talk too much.

Do you still want to have sex with her, knowing she's having an affair? Is it just physical pleasure, or are you hoping to win her back that way or stick it to OM? As others mentioned be careful about STDs.

The A started and physical stuff happened in Dec 2021 during a short duration travel. Since then, she has not met him physically or had any casual contact with other men. I don't care at all about sticking it to the OM and it is certainly not a way to win her back (sex won't get her back even it was).

Otherwise, she might take me for granted and her disrespect will grow.
Ummm...sorry man but she's already having an affair. You can't be much more disrespectful to someone than that.

Golden . Su*ks but true.

Should I be verbose and explain to her I'd like her to confess?

Definitely do not be verbose. You don't want to have an hour long discussion about her affair, and asking her to confess, and pleading for her to stop. I made that mistake as have many others here.

I am totally done with pleading. Pleading lasted for a week after BD. Any requirement to confess would be to see if we can consider a joint reconciliation (heal together, if you will). If she does not stop then it will anyway lead to D and I am preparing myself to face that. What I am clear is that I will only stay married to someone who respects and loves me. If she is builds that love and respect then it could work, otherwise no.

LH19's post was fantastic by the way. Go back and read that a dozen times.

8 more times to go.