In her mind she would be like, is this guy so desperate that he tries to sweep things under the rug?
Would "sweeping it under the rug" be a fair assessment?
It is not. I am not there yet where I can forgive her for starting the A but even from the beginning, I have been willing to see if we can rebuild with the fact that she cheated. I did not see the need to bring it up with her yet (in the last 3 months) as it could lead to unmanageable situations (recall that we live together, parent an autistic child and my responsibilities as the head of the household has pretty much not changed) and can complicate even the consideration of reconciliation. That's not to say that a reconciliation is guaranteed even from my side, let alone hers. I am yet to understand how I can identify where piecing starts but disclosures could be important before that happens. And I know that now is not the time to believe her because although she has been blowing positive, she has also been blowing pretty negative and seems to be ready to explode at any time.
Originally Posted by "Ready2Change, 1 month ago"
Do not share with her WHAT you know. Do not share with her HOW you know. You can and should (at the right time) share that you DO KNOW.
"We both know that is a lie. If you are willing to speak the truth, I will listen."
Originally Posted by "Traveller, 1 month ago."
If you choose sex, read up on being safe with casual sex partners who are simultaneously sleeping with others. Common precautions include condoms and regular STI screenings. As they say, if you aren't ready to talk about safe sex, you're not ready to have it!
I got tested and everything is fine. Just to reiterate, she has not been physical in the last 4 months. Her EA+PA started when she had a short duration travel and has not met him since. I am 100% sure that if OM was a short distance away, she would have separated (if not D by now) and started living in with him. I am sure she has been sexually active over the phone in the past (based on observed suspicious behavior). Currently I think she speaks to him only occasionally and she is much more into him than he is into her (he is single, probably lives a promiscuous life and she knows it).
Quote
Now you know you figured it out because she's been dropping hints.
I figured it out just a few days after BD without her dropping any hints at all, at first purely by analysis of observations on her pre-BD behavior. Then a friend told me what he saw when she was on vacation and that validated my suspicions. She started dropping (very subtle) hints only about a month ago after one day I told her she was physically distant on the very day she returned.
Quote
Now she knows your response was to ignore it, continue to patch things up, and continue having sex. The curtain has been pulled back. Are you proud of your choices? Were they made out of desperation or something else?
It's a little less dramatic than that. I made a deliberate decision not to bring it up with her and I am I glad I did because it has given me the time and space to not only to focus on myself but also detach from the emotional impact of her A (I had trusted her strongly all throughout our M). Refer back to my first comment in this reply where I mentioned some of the constraints I have to work under.
