eX W behaviour changed - Much better towards the kid. Now she wants to spend more time with a kid, fighting me for every day VS before she did not care, she would stop by to say hi to a kid EVERY couple days. Now kid is priority again…. Her attitude towards me is getting worst, more hostile, evil, wants bigger peace out of divorce. Now it’s lots of Nicks and dimes. She is still with OM (I can’t tell otherwise- I am not asking and telling people I don’t wanna know). Still NC other then kid talk/divorce talk. She did try to talk to me about me spending money left and right but she said that she is struggling. What do I do give her some $$$, joking?
Need help with emotional Validation in conversations, every needed conversation, she is always on top. Sometimes bring back things from the past.
How does validation works, why do people use it with WW/WAS?
First, never validate disrespect. When she gets disrespectful, tell her you won't be spoken to that way, then walk away. EVEN for necessary conversations. Most necessary conversations can be had later. If it is a timely discussion, then tell her you won't be spoken to that way, then get back to the business at hand.
Even necessary conversations you should be sticking to business. Sounds like the majority of them are about custody of your child. Keep it to that. If she tries to steer you into "you are spending money left and right", you steer it back "so you want to have him two days in a row? Okay, then he will be with me Thursday and Friday."
Most LBSs engage the WAS because deep down they think any conversation, even negative ones, are better than no conversation. It is fool's gold.
- Do not validate disrepect. - Keep conversations to the necessary business. - If she talks about how she feels about something, listen and validate. (Ex. Her: "I do not get enough time with our child." You: "So you feel you should get more time with him/her.") Then back to necessary business. - Be the one that ends the conversation. "I have somewhere I need to be. " Then leave.
Finally, get a custody agreement in place. Get a lawyer to help. Make it fair and equitable. Then there is no need for these necessary custody discussions.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
