I want a D, it's not a case of reconsidering other than a longing that if she could change . . . But she doesn't, she made that clear when she left couples counselling. I know I'll be happier in the long run.
Being confused about what you want is normal. I vacillated between "I am going to go file tomorrow!" and "I cannot live without her as my W!", and everything in between those two extremes. And it is quite normal to especially feel those extremes in IHS. "Today she was almost normal again, maybe she is changing!" Lots of false hope and starts that can cause us to trip up. Remember what I said yesterday about being 10% good at DBing and 90% horrible at it? My W had a lot of power over that initially. But the better I got at it and swung towards the 90% good and 10% horrible, the more even I became. And the effect on her was profound.
So what I am reading is you want a D UNLESS she changes. Which is what most of us end up in despite the thrashing at the beginning of the situation. Now the real question is, how long can you wait for the change? 3 months? 6 months? A year. One of the best things I did in my IHS was set a drop-dead date. I set mine at 1 year from BD. If by that date she wasn't fully recommitted back to the marriage then I would go file for D myself. I highly encourage you to do the same. Most of the experts I consulted on this suggested at least 1 year from BD. Though most said 2 was probably too long.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
