I'm Back after 1st DB (3)

[BL42]

toughtimes180,

But then I've thought about getting back in touch with an old flame who probably would be up for it.

Ummm...you're married. I understand the temptation but you have a whole lot to deal first.

Right now I have to focus on sorting out IHS parenting plan. Things are too loose atm.

Yes, get a scheduled sorted so you can plan your GAL.

When I frame the trip as getting extra time with kids and D2, it's a win/win.

Not sure you're there yet in reality, but that's a great way to look at it.

It will probably have to go to mediation because she so far has refused to be clear on that will look like.

You need to reframe this. It sounds like you're waiting on your W to tell you how it'll go. She does not get to dictate what it looks like. Time to stand up for you and the kids; don't passively wait for W to tell you.

I understand the POV here on D2 custody, I'm just torn on the disruption to her and what is best for her, not me. She will effectively be forced to sleep in TWO different houses. I need time to think about it.

Respectfully, I think you're over thinking the D2 issue. My daughter was 1.5 when my wife moved out. It's not ideal. Certainly a two parents / one home situation is better, but that's not possible with divorce. Relative to the situation, she's handled it. You DO NOT want to set the precedent she only sleeps at mommy's house, not daddy's.

After the blow up, we are continuing the email conversation on finances

Good!

I'm not going to be pushed over any more by her, and while I am willing to negotiate, I'm not willing to give up a large chunk of what I'm legally entitled to just because she feels its fair.

Good. Don't settle for less then what you're entitled to under the law.

I'm pretty sure it's the fact that it would give her time with an AP versus her pushing the kids off on you that is bothering you.

It's important to recognize what we are really upset about so we can set our perspective. You can look at is an opportunity for her continue on with the affair.. or an opportunity for YOU to spend more time with you kids. Your children are not pawns... They will remember who fought for them when they are older.

You hit the nail on the head. This has come up before on these boards 3 years ago post BD1 when she did the same thing. If I look at my values, which is wanting maximum kid time, then I shouldn't give a F about her motivations, I get what I want.

It's a tough pill to swallow. Unfortunately there's nothing you can do. She's going to do what she wants to do. Sorry man. All you can do is release any sense of control, go into zen mode, and enjoy the time with your kids.