Saving Pack through D, Pack_19 part V

[Pack_19]

hi all,

Thanks a lot for the messages and the support. I can do this for my children. But it will be hello and goodbye, nothing more. I know you all mean well and for the sake of S8 and S3 but after all she has done and how she has treated me, all I can think of is to make a stand for the man I aspire to become and the respect that I deserve.

Pack Hi & Bye are pretty standard in society. Maybe start with a head nod.

Thanks LH, I really can do the hello and goodbye thing. But this might make it easier for me to be cordial in the presence of the children.

What does this fight look like?

I have bought into the whole idea that one person can change the dynamics of a R. I am a very different man from the one who was left behind in Munich in 2019. I thought if I could address my issues and let her go I would be giving us the best chances. That is the fight, my fight alone for the M. And it is all cr@p I built in my head to tell me I could also achieve this goal and repair the damage I have caused or my side of it.

Don't let your W manipulate you by using the children as a weapon or tool.

That said, I think you have to behave in a way that is authentic to who you are, your beliefs, your core values. I also think that it never hurts to be polite.

Thanks for the post bttrfly, this is the reason why I come here to ask. There has been so much manipulation in the past that now I question how strong I have to be in front of these statements and how much of them I can let through into my brain. I have said this before, I dont want my children to have the same issues I had , I want them to learn how you set boundaries, decide the things that are good in your life and how to respond when you are treated in the way W has treated me. I am not thinking that I am a victim, I just want to be a rock for them and never shaken again by W and her perception of me. She can think whatever she want, I am a wonderful man and father and someday I will make a woman very happy.

Your reference to that thought of how I want my children to remember my attitude now as they grow resonates with the way I think. I am always assessing myself on this, what do they perceive, learn and see from dad? will they want to imitate it? Thank you bttrfly! I mean it!

R2C likes to say "Never stop DBing!" I agree with him. You DB with her for the rest of your life. Not to save the marriage (since that is now beyond all of that), but to have a friendly, polite R with her but still keep her at arms length.

Hi Steve, I really wanted to talk to you and LH. I know I can be brutally honest with you two. She is not a stranger Steve, she is the person that threw me away as H and partner and destroyed all we had built together as a family to start a new life where the only thing that was not working for her (me) was not present. Trust me, I am an angel to strangers, I can spend 15 minutes talking to the lady that I buy bread from, but this woman took her wedding ring and threw it at my face in front of our children at home in munich. If I am polite to her, it will be fake and for the sake of my children and yes consider it done.

I am not sure if you can understand me but I am starting to think that yes I had many issues, some of them I have already fixed, but I was not the useless partner she had me thinking I was. There was value in our family, our children and our plans to buy a house, and she is acting as if it is something that never happened and to be forgotten.

It will change your kids experience.

Hi mumin, message received. I will learn from this and not let it happen again. I would do anything for my children. I can do this, I am a good man with good values. Thank you!

If perhaps the above doesn't work for you--no judgment, we all have different values--could you take PRIDE in doing what's best for your kids even if it's not what Pack would otherwise do? You're that dreaded "Nice Guy" if you expect doing this will win her back or gain you anything else. You're a "Good Guy" if you do this because it's kind and/or best for your children.

Hi traveler, thanks a lot for the post. I am now past the point of trying to do anything to win her back. That version of Pack has been beaten to death. Yes I can take pride in doing that communication with her for the sake of our children and their feelings as they grow. thank you for rephrasing this for me. I am not a jerk with my pride neither am I overcompensating for my past nice guy behaviour. I just want to grow to become a man of honor, values, self respect, confidence and a protector of those I care for.

I apologize if I have sounded vindictive, I am just deeply sad for the way my M has died so soon with such young kids. Thank you for helping me turn this into the best learning experience in my life.

((hugs))
Pack