STBXW is asking again about going in vacation. Not that it matters now, but should I ask how long the EA has been going on?
TT180, what's *your* purpose? It's hard to imagine a good reason for asking her this.
Is her being about to sleep with him making you rethink leaving? You could still make a stronger shift towards, "I don't want a D, but I won't stand in your way!", assessing and 180'ing your problem behaviors, and validating her frustrations. You have been writing for years about the toxicity of this relationship--it's also fine to let go.
What would be self-defeating would be trying to stop her.
I *would* reconsider your view that it's harmful for D2 to do overnights with you in light of this upcoming trip. I'm going to assume she's not bringing D2 with her and leaving her overnight care to you or her parents.
I want a D, it's not a case of reconsidering other than a longing that if she could change . . . But she doesn't, she made that clear when she left couples counselling. I know I'll be happier in the long run. I don't want to stop her, that is not my intent. It's just me ruminating on the sitch. When I frame the trip as getting extra time with kids and D2, it's a win/win. I'm still trying to sort out my work schedule to make it work. Remember, she will be away while we are still in the family home. So D2 will be safe in the environment she knows.
The D2 custody issue is still on my mind. The house won't be sold for months and we haven't sorted that out yet. It will probably have to go to mediation because she so far has refused to be clear on that will look like. She wants flexibility on weekends, and is avoiding the detail on where kids will sleep. I understand the POV here on D2 custody, I'm just torn on the disruption to her and what is best for her, not me. She will effectively be forced to sleep in TWO different houses. I need time to think about it.
After the blow up, we are continuing the email conversation on finances, but with my line of questions, she certainly realizes her reality of what that will look like isn't coming close to what I'm proposing. I'm not going to be pushed over any more by her, and while I am willing to negotiate, I'm not willing to give up a large chunk of what I'm legally entitled to just because she feels its fair.
