Saving Pack through D, Pack_19 part V

[Pack_19]

Hi all!
So Monday was about D but it turns out we won't be going into trial for now. I got up early, got some breakfast and picked my audio on the golden nuggets from this board to arrive there with a clear pic in my head of the man I want to be. I was thinking on my nice guy issues and telling myself, I can handle anything thrown at me.

I meet my L earlier and he really calmed me down. We grabbed a coffee and he told me W's lawyer has made some mistakes (such as trying to request full custody for W) and things looked good for me. He told me our speech was going to be focused on how well kids have adapted to shared custody, how I have changed my job so that I am fully remote and flexible and more available to them and how I do not have to travel for work anymore. Regarding W he mentioned we would be focusing on the lack of evidence that she has tried to improve her work situation so that our salary gap was going to comfortably remain there for her benefit and how she returned to me the bank transfer after we sold the house in Munich. He mentioned worst case was things remaining as they are now, that gave me confidence and more peace. I walked to the trial room where I met W's lawyer, after a lot of talk with my L they told me they have decided to avoid the contentious path, that they would lower the expectations on the share of the benefits from the house and accept the child support to be reduced after around 6 months. W never showed up.

My L told me he does not trust W's L, but that this is a little win and that soon we will be divorced and the legal issue with the money will be withdrawn. After some talk on other topics I said thanks to him, and called my sister while I walked but home ready to go for one of my 12 km run to burn stamina. Honestly, I was relieved but deeply sad. I have been getting ready for the worst over the last 1.5 year, especially after OM and all those terrible days, and still this feels like I have lost and I was wrong focusing all I did for 2 years in changing for us and working on the marriage alone as I thought I was doing. I feel like I have a great L and no clue of what I am going to do with my life and future. I give up on us, on my old family and my pink colored memories. I am going to put myself in the hands of God or the higher power as we see it and let days go by while I focus on my PIES goals.

Sunday night we exchanged the kids. When I was leaving W said goodbye and I was getting in the car in silence. She told me, this, you not talking to me, is what is hurting our kids. I gave her a look of disagreement and left. Is she right and I am mistaken? I know saying hello and goodbye wont change anything but it just does not come natural to fake it. I am ok to fake politeness at work, on social events and so on, but as I get to know the man I want to be I do not want that in my private and close relationships. Should I eat my pride and be nice to her when we exchange the kids? I know I have made many mistakes in the past and I am working on my confidence and self esteem but these things make me doubt about my current attitude towards all that is happening. Right now I want to give up on this fight I have made up in my mind.

Thank you all for your support and time!

Pack