Quote:

You get so starved for attention that all you want to do is bawl...



I know how you feel, Jo but this actually isn't the reason why I would bawl if I were to have sex with someone other than my H and maybe this speaks to the testosterone not being the main thing issue.

There is something about my HD that makes me very, very monogamous. I never dated more than one guy at a time when I was single and I probably couldn't handle having an affair. It's not a conscious or moral choice with me at all. Either you are my man and I want to jump your bones all the time or you aren't and I can talk to you about books or the weather and pretty much ignore the fact that you have a penis.

If I end up having to leave my H for reasons of integrity, it will be extremely hard for me to transition to lusting for someone else in any sort of meaningful way. This might sound terribly regressive but it would have something to do with the fact that my H is the father of my children. There is something extremely strong at work in my brain/psyche at a level midway between reptilian testosterone desire and romantic love and desire for a specific person. Maybe I have an overly developed mammal/primate level. I often have sort of primitive cave woman feelings while having sex. This would be an accurate reflection of my parenting style also. I often think of myself as a sort of Mama Bear kind of mother.

The reason I would probably cry if I had sex with another guy is that my reptilian drive might be strong enough to allow me to f**k him, but when it was over my "mammal-brain" would suddenly realize that he wasn't "my man" and I would freak out like a sleepy baby who suddenly realizes that the strange woman giving her a bottle isn't "Mommy".
Does this make any sense?

"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver