Hope you're doing ok AnnKay and not too uncomfortable in these last weeks of pregnancy. Spend a lot of time with your friends and family around you. Get rested up.
One thing I did during a hard time in my R with my ex, was put index cards in my pocket with sayings that were reminders. If it got too overwhelming, I would excuse myself to the bathroom and pull the index card out and read it. Like little notes to myself. Silly but it helped.
Just by chance, another website (which shall remain nameless) today featured a letter from a woman in a somewhat similar situation as yourself. This is an excerpt from the comments: “ I, too, had hopes that the baby would wake him up but it turns out he wasn’t asleep – just a fuckwit. My entire 2nd pregnancy he complained and said he “just isn’t that interested” the 2nd time around. Found out when she was 2 months old that he’d been having an affair the entire time and..surprise..many many before that. I tried everything and finally one day just gathered my community of people and sent him on his way. Be confused on your own time, dumbass- I have a toddler and an infant to raise. I am just grateful he didn’t do anything worse to me. Protect yourself and your babies and get away. I promise you will feel better and nothing is as glorious as not being responsible for some fuckwits happiness. Wishing you the best, mama.”
Just by chance, another website (which shall remain nameless) today featured a letter from a woman in a somewhat similar situation as yourself. This is an excerpt from the comments: “ I, too, had hopes that the baby would wake him up but it turns out he wasn’t asleep – just a fuckwit. My entire 2nd pregnancy he complained and said he “just isn’t that interested” the 2nd time around. Found out when she was 2 months old that he’d been having an affair the entire time and..surprise..many many before that. I tried everything and finally one day just gathered my community of people and sent him on his way. Be confused on your own time, dumbass- I have a toddler and an infant to raise. I am just grateful he didn’t do anything worse to me. Protect yourself and your babies and get away. I promise you will feel better and nothing is as glorious as not being responsible for some fuckwits happiness. Wishing you the best, mama.”
KML just so you are aware. It is posts like these that BF started her new thread.
What’s the long term financial picture? I know in the States, you can get an order for temporary support, which usually favors him paying enough to keep you and the kids staying in the home until the divorce is worked out. But if he can’t afford to pay enough to help you with your rent while living elsewhere now, how is he going to afford to pay you adequate child support in the future?
I think only in dire circumstances will temporary support be available in Australia. I am not entirely in dire circumstances, yet. I know that the place I live in is slightly high in priced, but because of the location it is worth it. I'm not sure what he does with his salary, as he earns 20k more each year and I pay childcare (which is expensive in my city), but if I was earning as much as him yea I could at the very least get a studio apartment. This absence of transparency is one of the major issue in my marriage and unless there is an order I don't think he is going to budge. Another issue to do with whether or not he can afford adequate child support is that he should be able to afford it once we D. Essentially, single parents will get some support from the state that would otherwise not be accessible when we are together. In addition, as a married couple our combined earning is just above the threshold for any assistance, but individually, some support might be available. I also recently found out that he will get a large portion of inheritance from the proceeds of his grandmother's house in the UK (information from MIL), so that should enable him to pay enough child support. I discussed this with the lawyer and was suggested that I could consider a lump sum payment if I think it will give me some piece of mind.
Originally Posted by kml
Is this an issue because of a temporary drop in your income during maternity leave? Would you benefit from moving home to England and dyeing with your parents? Would he allow that?
Yes the temporary drop of income will be an issue too. My gut feeling is I'd be better off staying here at the moment. I'm not sure I can handle any more changes.
Hope you're doing ok AnnKay and not too uncomfortable in these last weeks of pregnancy. Spend a lot of time with your friends and family around you. Get rested up.
One thing I did during a hard time in my R with my ex, was put index cards in my pocket with sayings that were reminders. If it got too overwhelming, I would excuse myself to the bathroom and pull the index card out and read it. Like little notes to myself. Silly but it helped.
Thank you, Kml for sharing your tips. Not sure if you mind sharing, but what did you put as reminders on the cards? I have discussed about affirmations in one of my counselling sessions, but have not yet put that in practice. I might consider this too. Pregnancy and preparing for baby's arrival is probably the only thing that is keeping me sane at the moment, so a little discomfort is tolerable.
Boy, it’s been so long now, I can’t remember exactly what I wrote on those cards. Just little bits of wise advice related to my situation. Just a sentence or a phrase.
Maybe for you, something like “This will pass and things will get better”, or “ My babies and I will create a bright future” or “Breathe. Let it roll off of you”
A lump sum to cover child support? I haven’t heard of that before - but that might be good in your case. I don’t know how it would affect your government support if you had that big a lump sum.
I also recently found out that he will get a large portion of inheritance from the proceeds of his grandmother's house in the UK (information from MIL), so that should enable him to pay enough child support. I discussed this with the lawyer and was suggested that I could consider a lump sum payment if I think it will give me some piece of mind.
Originally Posted by kml
A lump sum to cover child support? I haven’t heard of that before - but that might be good in your case. I don’t know how it would affect your government support if you had that big a lump sum.
Different countries, different laws, different circumstances but the idea of a lump sum for child support sounds unusual. We're talking nearly two decades in your case. Make sure to really think this over. Could you effectively manage the lump sum over that timespan, or would a sum at regular increments spreading out the income be more helpful?
Me:39 Ex-W:37 M:7 T: 9 S:6 D:3 BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20 OM1 affair ends: May '20 W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20 W files for D: Jul20 OM2 confirmed: 9/2020 Divorced: May '21
Also, re: the index cards - when I was feeling a little blue over being dumped by my first post-divorce boyfriend, I tucked an index card reminder onto the visor of my car that said "He's just not that into you". Worked great! (He and I have remained good friends. Just chatted with him last night. His childhood great love had found him on FB and they are still together so I have no ill will. Dang he was smart and handsome though.)
Also, re: the index cards - when I was feeling a little blue over being dumped by my first post-divorce boyfriend, I tucked an index card reminder onto the visor of my car that said "He's just not that into you". Worked great! (He and I have remained good friends. Just chatted with him last night. His childhood great love had found him on FB and they are still together so I have no ill will. Dang he was smart and handsome though. Sigh. )
