Mine wasn't angry with me bttrfly, only chronically dissatisfied with life. His inability to be happy manifested in many ways unrelated to me: - constantly planning his next big adventure because he'd get depressed without something to focus on in the future - getting in trouble at work because he couldn't be satisfied with his great career and his great job with exceptionally good hours for a surgical specialty and good money and national prestige, and because following the rules was beneath him. They even sent him to anger management once. - constantly remodeling, even things that didn't need it (this has been even more of an issue since the divorce, when he has remodeled a single room with bath 3 times that I know of in ten years. Not redecorated, remodeled).
I contributed a LOT to him staying relatively sane and happy during our years together - I doubt he could have been married to anyone else for 24 years as successfully. But his inability to be satisfied also led to cheating, some of which I had no clue about at the time but that seems pretty clear now.
And bttrfly, if he never wanted the divorce then I guess he shouldn't have carried on a years long affair behind your back, should he? You didn't cause that. He was probably just mad because he wanted to have his cake and eat it too, and you ruined that when you figured out he was having an affair. Poor baby - he had CONSEQUENCES! And he didn't want CONSEQUENCES!
well, i knew he was "dating" but i had no idea she was the AP and still in the picture until 5 YEARS LATER.
My son knew immediately, kept it to himself and it's caused some serious damage to his psyche, as you know KML. I mean, exh was kissing me and telling me he loved me all the while.
What's most interesting to me is that he did EXACTLY what his mother did in his parents' marriage: cheated, left with no recourse or willingness to go to MC. What's REALLY interesting is that his mother has behaved since in a manner which has left all of us thinking that she never intended for the marriage to end, just for her to manipulate her husband so she would have "hand" from then on in the relationship. In her case it backfired.
It also seems from things exh has said and done that he possibly didn't expect it to go so far in our case either. I stopped the ILYs cold after our home sold. Something inside of me really broke at that point, and I wasn't so sure how much I wanted to stand, especially since I started to suspect that the whole thing was a massive manipulation. I don't tolerate being manipulated, as my mom did that a lot during my childhood. So I stopped the ILYs and held some firm boundaries which probably ticked him off. Our biggest problem, honestly, in hindsight was a power struggle between us. Oh, for a man who isn't threatened by a strong woman.
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
