Bunches, I sense that you already know what you must do (focus off her, on you. GAL, self-improvements, detachment) but that you are fighting that at the moment.
Your WAS has given you the gift of being honest about how she feels about your right now. Yet you are pushing back against it. "I don't want to be around you", so you go out and schedule marriage counseling? Can you look back at that and realize just how illogical that is? She's essentially told you she wants less of you, and your reaction is to try to give her more of you!
Time and space is the only thing that will resolve this, one way or the other. Unfortunately, the eventual outcome is out of your hands. There is NOTHING you can do to make it come out the way you would like it to. But there are LOTS of behaviors that will result in you ended up D'd, and much more quickly than it would naturally take, if you aren't careful. You've been here before. You know the drill. So stop fighting what you know you need to do and just start putting the actions into place!
You've already got a good start with the gym and men's group, just double-down on things like that and leave her alone to try to figure out her own stuff. Be a father first, go out and GAL, and give her the time and space she is so desperately begging for! She may just decide that she misses you when you suddenly you aren't there anymore. But for sure you cannot get her to that point by hounding her.
I'll go back and read your first situation.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
