Why oh WHY did you have a conversation with her? Or go out to dinner? Complete waste of time.
You want her to THINK she can’t get dinner with you. When she asks, say no, I have plans, and then leave the house.
Once you agreed to dinner, and engaged in a conversation, the damage was done. After that point, it doesn’t matter what you said or did - nothing was going to stop her going berserk.
STOP STICKING YOUR FINGER IN THE POWERPOINT.
“How do you feel about leaving me last night?”
“Haven’t really thought about it. Anyway, I’m off to the gym!”
Thanks, this is the sort of thing I can't get my head around. It's also hard when I have kids in the house, but I guess I could just say I'm going for a walk, and be back in 30 minutes.
Yes, I am sticking my finger in the PowerPoint. As I said, it was a crafty move on her part, as we had a common function to go to, and we were rather early. The better option would have been to say, no I just want to go early, no dinner. Or, we should take separate cars because I have to go after.
Actually, when her Mom came to look after the kids, I could have just left and said "see you there."
The problem I have with this approach I have generally, is I can't just walk out when I have child duties. But I can certainly do that after D2 is in bed, the older kids are fine on their own.
In any event, I'm refreshed today as I spent yesterday decluttering the house. I fell asleep exhausted. She sent an email on detailed financials, which I'll reply in a couple of days. It was intertwined with emotional "facts" and of course not in line with what L said. Rather than put it all out, I'm leading her towards where I'm going with each point. She's not dumb, she will see right through it, so it will give her time to accept the outcome. We have plenty of time before the house sells, which is went all this needs to be agreed on.
Originally Posted by Traveler
You are doubtless feeling the loss of control. Can you also see it for her speaking up about her preferences when it comes to disciplining the children? Do you think she may have a point in some situations?
Yes, many times I feel loss of control, and many times I feel her perspective is valid. But no to setting boundaries with kids and sticking to consequences. See, the pattern of not sticking to boundaries applies to the kids as well. But I get it. I just reminded her that punishment should start at the time of the infraction, not allow the kids to indulge for the rest of the day, and then apply the consequences the next day. Her response was classic "You weren't there, and I forgot."
