I guess the warning for those of you who DO think it’s like a Lifetime romance movie is, many (I would say most) people over the age of 35 can understand there’s a difference between infatuation - which is fun - and real love, which takes time to build. So pay more attention to the actions not the words.
That’s a little insulting to my intelligence, kml. Just because ILY implies commitment TO ME doesn’t mean that I’m unaware of the difference between infatuation and real love. I don’t think love is like a romantic movie. It can be, but it is also painful, messy, difficult. I’m a grown @$$ woman and I know the difference and if I say ILY means something to me then that is my business. The one thing you said I actually agree with is real love takes time to build. Absolutely it does! But that time frame is different for everyone.
yes and btw whats wrong with romantic movies? the world needs love stories or they wouldn't be so popular. and just because you watch one doesn't mean you believe that love and life can be wrapped up with a pretty bow in under 3 hours or that your IQ is inferior.
re love vs infatuation etc, love morphs over time. there have been enough studies on the subject to prove that biologically ... I've said ily to two men and only two. both times it was under the six month mark, once I said it first, once he did. both relationships lasted for years, and love wasn't the reason either ended.
I don't think there's a set formula for timing. it's individual to the relationships/people involved, as has been said in earlier posts, but clearly I will be asking for a definition the next time someone tells me they love me so I can be clear we're both speaking the same language. that's my takeaway from all this.
I have a really good guy friend who's played the field extensively in between long term relationships - his view isn't so much about exchanging ily's as it is being in a committed thing. he won't go exclusive in under 8 moths because his belief is that both people are on their best behavior for the first 6 months and since that can't be kept up forever you start to see the real person between months 6-8. his view. I don't really disagree with him ...
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
