EO's journal

[eyesopened]

I have lots to do today and am looking for a reason to procrastinate, and will have to fight that temptation. It sounds from reading other threads that there were a lot of interesting developments and progress this weekend for other posters.

My husband and I did not ML last night even though I offered. He was aroused after a few seconds of me touching him but said that ML usually feels better and more intense for him if he has a day or two in between sessions. Makes sense to me even though I'm not a guy; I'm just sorry that it used to be more like a week or two between sessions (my fault, not his). We fell asleep with him wrapped around me which I like. I still sleep naked with him even when we don't ML, and I've given him a standing invitation to wake me up in the morning before work if he wants to ML. So far, he hasn't taken me up on that invitation but that's because he said he'd want to curl up next to me and go back to sleep if we ML (true, because he does this on weekend and holiday mornings if we ML).

I did give him a brief foot rub before bed. Interestingly, even though it was past the time he usually goes to bed (he was very busy yesterday working on the house, helping our kids move furniture around in their rooms, barbecuing steaks, etc.), he sat down on the sofa next to me. After a couple of minutes, I asked if he wanted a foot rub. He said yes, and I told him that he doesn't have to wait to see if I'll offer, that I enjoy being able to do that for him, that touching him feels very good to me, and that he can assume from now on that the offer and desire is always there if I'm sitting on the sofa with him. I see now how in the past I was more likely to sigh and come across as though I was doing a BIG favor for him by giving him what he wants. I won't do that to him again.

I've had a chance to review Michele's CDs and re-read parts of her books, Getting Through to the Man You Love and The Divorce Remedy: The Proven 7-Step Program for Saving Your Marriage , which was great because they made me realize that what I was feeling on Sunday was normal. They also reminded me to monitor actual results, and this time around the results were much better than in the past when I'd get into a bitchy, irritable mood. Looking back over this weekend, I believe that Sunday's mood was caused mostly by lack of sleep and worry about one of my sons, who's in the second week of mononucleosis (fortunately, he's very healthy and his symptoms are very mild; unfortunately, that makes it harder to convince him to get lots of rest). Also, hormonal fluctuations often seem to bring on irritable moods. In the past, everybody in the house would avoid me, including the cat and the dog, to avoid being in my line of sight. This time around, there were some differences:
1. I wasn't snappish and bitchy as usual.
2. I didn't let my emotions or feelings dictate my reactions or interactions with my husband but used the concepts and techniques from Michele's books and CDs to maintain control.
3. I made a conscious and deliberate choice not to let feelings sabotage the progress and positive changes and results in our marriage.
4. Instead of avoiding me as usual when I'm in one of these moods, my husband came in to my office (my favorite hideout) and suggested that we go out and get a bite to eat (I sometimes forget to eat when feeling irritable) and go grocery shopping together (we'd gone grocery shopping together the week before, and it was nice to have time together while doing a chore together that neither one of us likes doing). I also accepted his invitation even though I was still irritable and decided not to bring up any negative topics while in a bad mood.

We still have minor flare-ups but they blow over quickly now without spilling over into other areas. We don't throw past grudges at each other like before (again, I was most at fault about doing this). There's been no passive-aggressive behavior from either one of us for awhile now. And, we're spending a lot more time talking together and just spending time together in and out of bed. In fact, on Sunday, we spent over an hour talking over sandwiches and iced tea, and my bad mood was gone before we left the restaurant.