Lightening My Load

[Elbereth]

I agree with those that feel that the actions speak louder than the words and the words themselves can mean completely different things to different people. And if CW wants to use those words and the gals respond to it, then that is between them.

I don’t think anyone can honestly ever agree on the right or wrong time to say it, except the two people saying the words to each other. Love is not some simple emotion with a rule book anyway. It’s extremely complex and layered. You add in there the differences between the sexes, societal stuff, history, trauma, etc, and the word itself can’t contain what the feeling are anyway. That’s where the actions come in (along with deeper communication using a lot of words).

Why is everyone arguing about the timing? There are couples out there that say it very early and have amazing relationships that live up to the words spoken. There are other couples who wait to say it and take a bit longer to feel the same amazing connection without speaking the words. Then there are those that say it and don’t really mean it, or at least the person receiving it doesn’t feel it. I mean, really, can there be rules around something like saying you love someone? Communication is flawed. That’s just the way it is. It doesn’t cover all the feelings. That’s why Brene Brown has a new book about words for feelings to help…hahaha!

My STBXH said ILU really early, like within months. And I said it back not long after that and felt it too. But here I am now. Divorcing and he had an affair. Honestly, the love bombing actions should have been more of a red flag then the words. And he told me the dreaded ILYBINILWY, so explain what the heck that is then? It’s really all about actions and connections and two people just trying to say how complicated they are feeling in words.

It’s love after all. It’s different for everyone and every situation and every couple. And honestly, I told my cat I loved her the moment I picked her up as a kitten. Do you think she freaked out? She just absorbed the love I showed her…and I’m grateful to receive what I feel is love back from her even if it happened very early in our relationship.