I know different people would have different answers to this question in different situations with different people, but I would argue that at 6 months in, you are only just beginning to find out who the real person is, not the infatuated fantasy you have about them. So at what point would you consider yourself not committed to "making it work" after saying ILU if you found out one of these things about them?
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Point is - the choice needs to be made everyday and everyday you need to work at it. Easier said than done. Certainly it can be done, I think the point of your second paragraph above is that it needs to be done, whenever that happens.
But does it? If you're married (and weren't deceived by your spouse about who they were before your marriage) then definitely yes. But if you've only been dating for 6 months and said ILU based on the limited information people have after only 6 months of dating (because it is impossible to truly know someone in that short a time)? Staying and trying to fix that situation if there are dealbreakers that arise sounds pretty codependent and unhealthy to me.
I'm not saying all people don't have problems or that we shouldn't work to help our partners. But 6 months is a pretty short time to be taking on marriage-type commitment to a person just because you had nice infatuation feelings. At 6 months its really usually still just that. It takes a lot more time to find out who someone really is. (BTW I took on CMM and his cancer not because I was in LOOOOVE with him at only 3 months, but because he had no one else, I had the capacity and skills to help another human being at the end of his life, I did care for him, and I viewed it as a mitzvah - is that the right word?- a good deed - that I could do in my life. We built the love through that process of caring for each other, but I would hesitate to recommend it to anyone else. I grew up on the lives of the saints. )
So should we not say ILU at all until we've known someone for a couple of years and are really sure of our feelings towards them? Or should we accept that you can say ILU because you have loving feelings towards them, but it is still acceptable to back out of the relationship if you subsequently discover something that is a dealbreaker for you?
And to the women out there - we've been raised on unhealthy Prince Charming scenarios. Usually if something seems too good to be true, it is. I'm very leery of a guy who wants to say ILU too soon. It's not attractive to me because I KNOW they don't know me well enough to truly mean it. I know what it actually means in that scenario is "I like you a lot" or "I am in love with the FANTASY I have of who you are" or "You're really hot" or "The sex is fantastic" or "You're a really cool person and I am really enjoying our time together and hoping it goes somewhere".
I'd put a lot less emphasis on what they do or don't SAY, and a lot more emphasis on what they DO or don't DO. You shouldn't be heartbroken because a guy said ILU at 3 months and then later ended up breaking up with you - you should have taken those words with a grain of salt and continued to do your due diligence to find out if HE was right for YOU.
