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I'm simply venting and saying things I'd never ever say to him

Why would you never say these things to him? Speaking only from my experience, but it was when I stopped protecting him from my feelings and emotions that we really reached the emotional reconnection. The sex was great and the talks about sex were great. They helped with the intimacy, but only up to a point. To really feel the emotional intimacy (that really makes the sex great!), I had to trust him with my feelings about him and our relationship. I'm not talking about ranting and raving and blaming him, just sharing what's going on inside me with respect to our relationship...the good, the bad, and the ugly. At the same time, he had to trust me with his.

Journaling, turning to others, and keeping these things from him turned out to be the LEAST helpful I could do. It was safe but very ineffective in reaching emotional intimacy with my H. So whenever I have something I need to talk about, particularly with respect to him, he's my choice of confidante.

It doesn't mean he always agrees with me or I with him. We often both come away with an understanding that is different from what we both originally brought to the conversation. Making assumptions about what the other is thinking and what his/her motivations are is kept to a minimum. So is psychoanalyzing each other. Each person speaks for his or herself. As a result you really get the feeling that you know each other and are truly *known by* each other.

Consider not hiding your feelings from your H. Now that he's feeling more comfortable about the sexual intimacy, perhaps he'll be quite amenable to hearing how you're feeling.

And yeah, I know, it's still YOU taking the initiative and doing most of the work with getting your M reconnected. Oh well. I do know the feeling. Once you get the ball rolling in the right direction for awhile, it starts to become much more mutual with both sex and emotional intimacy. At least that's the way it has worked for us.
MPT