A year on and standing 2

[ToSmile]

Abit of catching up and hope everyone is good.

Been GAL, got my indoor gym set, hitting the weights, going out, focusing on the kids, getting back my past hobby (8 ball) and spending more time with family members the past couple of months.

Also started job hunting to move on from my current company which has quite a toxic culture that's affecting my well-being and is currently being shortlisted for a new position. Though it's in process, I am already feeling much more relief than before when I am not doing anything about it and being comfortable in my current position (I like to draw this comparison to how it was back then for me before I start GAL and do something for myself)

With the wife wise, still no progress so far though. I am not ready yet to be the one initiating the proceedings and she has yet really taken the step to file as well. This morning, like a broken recorder, she brought up to me again about the house. Are we going to keep or sell... are the divorce terms gonna be the same as we previously spoken (I have lost count of how many times she brought these up) and I just replied in a chirpy manner: Yep, sell and get a new place, Yep, terms same and proceed on busying with my stuffs and wish her bye as I left for work with her looking a bit taken aback haha.

I do think that I am at a better place than I was. I'll be honest that when she raised up the topic again, it affected me. But well, only for that hour or so and then I move on to embrace my day. It would be a waste to sulk it away over something that I can't do anything about.

I also had serious conversation with myself. If my wife is gonna do a 180 and embrace me now, how would I feel? Frankly, I will dodge and feel afraid. Very afraid. I feel she has some serious stuff that she has to work out herself and for what is to come, we will see how it goes when it comes. At times, I also start to double-take if I want her back.

For now, I just wish to update that, I am looking forward to news in my life. What new changes I can make and difference I can make, for myself and others. I had lived my life that way and I want to live it differently now. Although our situation is still pretty much in a standstill, I am kinda fine with that as at the present moment, I also do not think I am ready to get into another relationship and the kids are also doing pretty well recently.

One thing also, I am cutting down much on drinking as well and just nurse a pint or 2 during gathering and occasions. Hope to keep this streak going